I am at my wits end with my 17 year old. Ever since school finished, getting them out of bed before lunchtime has become almost impossible, and if I mention it, it usually ends in an argument. I know they have had a stressful few months with exams and probably need a chance to relax, but I also worry that sleeping half the day away is becoming a habit. I do not want to spend the whole summer nagging, but I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect them to have some sort of routine. How can I encourage them to get up earlier without it turning into another disagreement, and how do I know when to push and when to let it go?
Answer
Welcome to Ask Robyn
Welcome to our Ask Robyn service. Thank you for taking the time to come on and ask your question.
Many parents find themselves in a similar situation to you during the holiday periods, so be assured, you aren’t alone in this.
On one hand it sounds like you want them to make the most of the summer time while not forming bad habits but that you recognise the difficult few months they had on the lead up to the summer break, so it’s about trying to strike the right balance.
Striking the balance
It is very normal that teenagers sleep on in the mornings, it could be an idea to look at their sleep patterns, are they going to sleep at a reasonable hour at night time? During the summer months many families have less rules around bedtimes but it can be good to have some sort of routine established. This is something that will only be agreed when a conversation is had. I know you have mentioned about their being disagreements which is understandable. I think as a parent, going into this conversation, do it at the right time when you are feeling calm and you know that your child is feeling the same way and that you are both open to talking about it. Even if you could both agree when you are going to talk about this. Staying calm is so important and being open to negotiation is key, so not to have a fixed plan about a bedtime routine going into the conversation. Once you are both hearing one another and being open to making a plan will make this a success.
Having the conversation
As mentioned, staying calm is the key to this conversation going well. Maintaining an even tone when you are sharing your views and letting them know you are doing this from a good place. Let the child know that you want them to have a healthy routine over the summer months, even though it doesn’t have to look like it did when they were going to school all week. Asking them what they think about this and getting their views, being open to what time they would start to wind down and what time they think is realistic to being awake and out of bed in the mornings. Asking them what they would like to do during the break will incentivise them being awake earlier, so they can make the most of the time off.
Getting back on track
As the summer break starts to come to an end, it could be good to go back and have another conversation, as this plan will have to be adjusted, depending on what their plan is for September, as they may need to be awake earlier if they are returning back to education or starting a job. It’s less of a shock to this system when this is done gradually, opposed to doing it a day or 2 beforehand.
Looking after yourself
Parenting is not always easy, so be assured that you aren’t alone in experiencing this. Being aware of your own emotions plays such a big part too. Taking time for yourself in this is crucial as this can help with your own mindset, so please ensure you are engaging in some self-care too.
If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on01 522 4300. Or you can email [email protected].
Thanks again for getting i touch. We wish you well,
Robyn