Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out during what sounds like a very difficult time.

Going through a divorce can bring many emotions, including sadness, fear, guilt, uncertainty and sometimes a sense of failure. When a relationship is ending, it can be easy to look back at what has happened and place a great deal of responsibility on ourselves.

You mentioned feeling that the divorce is entirely your fault. While we do not know the circumstances surrounding your separation, we would encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you work through these feelings.

Making space for difficult emotions

Firstly, it may help to recognise that feeling responsible for something does not necessarily mean we have a complete picture of everything that contributed to it.

Relationships and separations can be complicated, and there may be many different experiences, decisions and circumstances involved.

Rather than trying to make sense of everything at once, it can be helpful to focus on how you are feeling right now and what support you might need to manage the changes ahead.

Supporting children through family changes

If there are children involved, you may also be worrying about how the separation will affect them.

Children can experience a range of emotions when parents separate. They may feel sad, confused, angry or worried about what will happen next.

However, children do not need to know every detail of the difficulties between adults. What can be particularly helpful is giving them age appropriate information, listening to their feelings and maintaining as much stability as possible.

Some practical steps that may help

• Talk with someone you trust about how you are feeling, rather than carrying all the worry and guilt alone.
• Focus on manageable decisions and everyday routines rather than trying to resolve everything about the future at once.
• If you have children, reassure them that they are not responsible for the separation and do not need to choose between their parents.
• Consider accessing professional emotional support or counselling if feelings of guilt, fear or sadness are becoming difficult to manage.

Finding support during separation

It may also help to separate the practical and emotional aspects of divorce. Legal matters, financial arrangements and parenting decisions can each bring different pressures, and having appropriate advice can make these feel more manageable.

If children are involved, keeping their needs at the centre of decisions can provide a helpful focus during a time when so much may feel uncertain.

You may find further parenting information and support through our website at ISPCC.ie.

Reaching out for further support

We would welcome you to contact our Support Line if you would like to talk about the impact of separation on children or how best to support them.

Our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 5224300. You can also email [email protected].

If there are children or young people in your family who would like to speak with someone outside the situation, Childline offers a 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service on 1800 66 66 66 and through Childline.ie.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and sharing how you are feeling. Please take care of yourself as you navigate this difficult period.

Robyn