Hello and welcome

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out. Situations where a child refuses contact with one parent can feel deeply upsetting and confusing for everyone involved. It is understandable that you may feel worried about your child’s wellbeing, while also feeling concerned about the influence of others around them.

Understanding your child’s feelings

Children and young people can sometimes struggle to express what is really going on for them emotionally. In some cases, they may be influenced by the opinions or behaviours of adults around them. However, it is also important to remember that children’s reactions are often connected to their own feelings, worries, or experiences.

Because of this, trying to understand what may be behind your child’s behaviour can be more helpful than focusing only on blame. Although this can be very difficult, remaining calm and supportive can help your child feel safer and less pressured.

Focusing on communication

At times like this, children can feel caught in the middle of adult conflict. Therefore, reducing tension where possible can make a positive difference. Children benefit most when they feel they do not have to choose sides between parents or family members.

It can also help to reassure your child that they are loved and supported by both parents, even when relationships between adults are strained.

Things that may help

• Try to create opportunities for calm and pressure free conversations with your child, where they feel listened to without fear of upsetting anyone
• Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent or extended family members in front of your child, as this can increase feelings of conflict and confusion
• Consider seeking support from a family mediation service or a professional who works with children and families, especially if communication between adults has broken down
• Keep routines and boundaries as consistent as possible, as this can help children feel more secure during uncertain situations

Seeking support

These situations can feel emotionally exhausting for parents and carers. Reaching out for support is an important step, both for yourself and for your child. With patience, understanding, and the right support, it is possible to begin rebuilding trust and communication over time.

If you would like to talk some more about this our Support Line is open Monday to Friday 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 5224300. Or you can email [email protected].

Thank you for getting in touch. We wish you the best,

Robyn