Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out about your 16 year old son.

Living with a chronic health condition can be particularly challenging during adolescence, when friendships, independence and taking part in activities are such important parts of growing up.

It can be difficult to see your son missing school and social opportunities because of fatigue, particularly when he is beginning to feel that making plans is no longer worthwhile.

We understand that you want to help him feel more hopeful without minimising the very real challenges he’s experiencing.

Acknowledging the impact of his illness

Firstly, it may help to recognise that your son may be grieving some of the experiences and opportunities he is expected to have.

When fatigue makes it difficult to attend school, spend time with friends or take part in activities, young people can begin to feel different from their peers or disconnected from the things they once enjoyed.

Rather than encouraging him to look on the bright side straight away, try acknowledging how disappointing and frustrating these limitations can be.

Sometimes feeling understood can be more helpful than being encouraged to stay positive.

Understanding the changes in his mood

You mentioned that your son is spending more time in his room and has lost interest in activities he previously enjoyed.

Although fatigue may contribute to these changes, withdrawal and loss of interest can also be signs that a young person is struggling emotionally.

It would be important to discuss these changes with your GP or treating healthcare team, particularly if they are becoming more noticeable or persistent.

Young people living with chronic illness may benefit from psychological support alongside their physical healthcare, and their medical team may be able to advise about appropriate services.

Finding ways to maintain connection

When energy is limited, it may help to rethink how your son can stay connected with friends and activities rather than expecting him to participate in the same way as before.

Some practical ideas that may help include:

• Acknowledge the disappointment of missing activities without immediately trying to find a positive side to the situation.
• Explore flexible ways of keeping in touch with friends, such as shorter visits, online conversations or activities that can be adapted to his energy levels.
• Work with his school and healthcare team to explore appropriate supports around attendance, learning and maintaining social connections.
• Involve your son in planning manageable activities that matter to him, while respecting his symptoms, medical advice and need for rest.

Helping him regain a sense of choice

Chronic illness can sometimes leave young people feeling that they have little control over their lives.

Therefore, it may be helpful to focus on the choices he can still make, even when his health places limits on what is possible.

This might include deciding when he would like to see friends, choosing how to spend his available energy or identifying interests he can continue enjoying in an adapted way.

It is important not to encourage him to push through fatigue or exceed limits recommended by his healthcare team. Instead, the aim is to support meaningful experiences within what is medically appropriate for his condition.

Making room for hope

Hope does not have to mean promising that his illness will improve or that everything will return to how it was before.

It can mean helping your son recognise that his life can still include connection, enjoyment, achievements and meaningful relationships, even if these look different from what he originally imagined.

Try to keep conversations about the future open and flexible, allowing your son to express both his worries and his hopes.

It may also help to explore whether there are opportunities for him to connect with other young people who live with similar health conditions, through appropriate organisations or services recommended by his healthcare team.

When additional emotional support is needed

Because your son is withdrawing and losing interest in things he previously enjoyed, we would encourage you to speak with your GP or treating healthcare team about his emotional wellbeing.

It is important not to assume that these changes are simply an unavoidable part of living with chronic illness.

If he begins expressing thoughts of self harm, suicide or not wanting to live, seek urgent professional advice. If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services on 999 or 112.

You may find our related ISPCC information helpful at  mental-health-difficulties-among-children/

Finding further support

If you would like to talk through your concerns, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on01 522 4300. You can also email [email protected].

Your son can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service on 1800 66 66 66 or through Childline.ie if he would like someone to talk to about their health, friendships, feelings or concerns about the future.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and for looking for ways to support your son’s emotional wellbeing alongside his physical health. Please remember to look after yourself too.

Robyn