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Starting secondary school is a significant transition for a young person. There can be a lot to take in, including a new school building, different teachers and subjects, changing classrooms, meeting new people and finding their place socially. It is understandable that your child may be feeling anxious when so much is unfamiliar.

As a parent or caring adult, there are ways you can help make this transition feel more manageable while supporting your child to develop confidence in their own ability to cope.

Make space for their worries

Firstly, it can help to give your child opportunities to talk about what is worrying them without feeling that they need to stop being anxious straight away. Sometimes, when we want to reassure a child, we might quickly say that everything will be fine. Although this comes from a caring place, your child may benefit more from knowing that you understand why the change feels difficult.

Try asking what they are most concerned about. Are they worried about getting lost, making friends, managing homework, meeting new teachers or something else? Listening carefully can help you understand whether there are particular worries that can be addressed practically.

It may also help to remind them that they do not have to work everything out before their first day. Settling into secondary school takes time, and other students will also be adjusting to new routines and relationships.

Help make the unknown more familiar

Anxiety can sometimes become stronger when we do not know what to expect. Therefore, helping your child become more familiar with their new school and routine may make the transition feel less overwhelming.

You could look through information from the school together, talk about their timetable or practise the journey to and from school. If the school has provided information about where students should go on their first day, what they need to bring or who they can approach for support, going through this together may help your child feel more prepared.

At the same time, try not to feel that every uncertainty needs to be solved in advance. Part of building confidence is helping your child recognise that they can manage situations even when they do not know exactly how everything will go.

Support friendships without adding pressure

Making friends is often a big concern when starting secondary school. Your child may worry about whether they will fit in, who they will sit with or whether existing friendships will change.

It can be helpful to acknowledge these worries while avoiding putting pressure on them to make close friends immediately. Friendships often develop gradually through sitting beside someone in class, joining an activity, sharing an interest or simply seeing the same people each day.

If your child knows someone who will be attending the same school, you could explore whether travelling together or meeting before the first day would help. However, if they do not know anyone, remind them that this does not mean they will remain on their own. There will be opportunities to get to know people as the school year begins.

Practical ways to build confidence

In the weeks before school begins, you might find the following helpful:

• Practise the routine together. Talk through getting ready in the morning, travelling to school and organising books or other belongings. Familiar routines can reduce some of the uncertainty.
• Focus on one concern at a time. If your child has several worries, help them choose one and think about what might make it easier. Breaking concerns into smaller pieces can make them feel more manageable.
• Encourage small steps towards independence. Depending on your child’s needs, this might include packing their own school bag, checking their timetable or practising asking an adult for help. Notice their efforts rather than expecting them to feel confident straight away.
• Agree on where they can turn for support. Talk about trusted adults at home and in school whom they can approach if they feel overwhelmed, lonely or unsure. Knowing they do not have to manage difficult moments alone can be reassuring.

Give the transition time

Once school begins, there may be good days and difficult days. A challenging first week does not necessarily mean that your child will struggle throughout secondary school. Adjusting to a new environment and building relationships can take time.

Try to keep conversations about school open without making every conversation about how they are coping. Asking about something interesting, funny or unexpected that happened during the day can sometimes make it easier for a young person to talk.

However, if your child’s anxiety becomes persistent or begins to significantly affect their everyday life, such as regularly preventing them from attending school or taking part in usual activities, it would be helpful to speak with the school and consider what additional support they may need.

We are here to support you

Supporting a child through a big transition can bring worries for parents and caring adults too. You do not need to have every answer. Being available, listening and helping your child take manageable steps can make an important difference.

If you would like to talk this through further, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. You can also email us at [email protected].

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn, and please remember to take care of yourself too,

Robyn