Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for getting in touch about this important concern. As children spend more of their time communicating, socialising and exploring online, it is understandable that parents want to know they are safe.

At the same time, children need opportunities to develop independence and to feel that their privacy is respected. Balancing these two needs can be difficult. Rather than choosing between safety and privacy, we can work towards creating an environment where children gradually learn to manage their online lives safely, knowing that a trusted adult is available when they need support.

Start with conversation rather than monitoring

One of the most valuable ways we can support children online is by keeping communication open. Regular, relaxed conversations about what they enjoy online, the platforms they use and the people they interact with can tell us much more than simply checking a device.

These conversations do not always need to focus on danger. Showing genuine interest in the games, videos, creators and conversations that matter to our children can make discussions about online safety feel like a normal part of family life.

This also helps create an important message: if something uncomfortable or frightening happens online, they can come to us without immediately worrying that they will be blamed, punished or have their device taken away.

Agree on boundaries together

Clear boundaries are still an important part of keeping children safe online. However, where appropriate for their age, involving children in conversations about those boundaries can help them understand why they exist.

For example, families might talk about which apps are appropriate, privacy settings, accepting friend or follow requests, sharing photographs, location information and what personal information should remain private.

It can also be helpful to discuss what parental supervision will look like. If we intend to check something on a child’s device, being open about what we may check and why can feel very different from secretly monitoring their activity.

Of course, there may be circumstances where a parent needs to intervene more directly because they have a genuine concern about their child’s safety. In those situations, safety takes priority.

Help your child develop their own online safety skills

As children grow, our role can gradually move from managing their online activity towards helping them make safer decisions for themselves.

Some practical approaches include:

• Explore privacy and safety settings together. Look at who can contact your child, see their posts or access information about them. Revisiting these settings regularly can also provide an opportunity to talk about why privacy matters.
• Agree on what should happen if something goes wrong. Discuss what your child can do if they receive an upsetting message, are contacted by someone they do not know or feel pressured to share something. This might include not responding, blocking or reporting the person, saving evidence and speaking with a trusted adult.
• Make supervision appropriate to their age. Younger children are likely to need closer involvement. As children demonstrate greater understanding and responsibility, consider whether some supervision can gradually reduce while clear safety expectations remain.
• Keep difficult conversations calm. If your child tells you about a mistake or something concerning that happened online, try to understand what happened before deciding what to do next. A calm response can make it more likely that they will seek support again in the future.

When privacy needs to take second place

Respecting a child’s privacy does not mean that parents should never intervene. If you notice significant changes in your child’s behaviour, they appear frightened or distressed after being online, they are communicating secretly with an unknown person, or you have another specific reason to believe they may be at risk, it is appropriate to take a more active role.

Where possible, explain your concerns and what you need to do to help keep them safe. This can help your child understand that the decision comes from a concern for their wellbeing rather than a wish to control their private life.

Building trust for the future

Ultimately, online safety is not only about knowing what our children are doing today. It is also about helping them develop the judgement and confidence they will need when adults are not there to supervise them.

As children get older, the boundaries will naturally change. Keeping conversations going, reviewing expectations together and allowing greater independence when they show they are ready can help trust and responsibility grow alongside each other.

You can find further information and advice about keeping children safe online in the online safety resources for parents at ISPCC.ie.

Support is available

If you would like to talk through concerns about your child’s online activity or how to approach online safety conversations at home, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. You can also email [email protected].

If your child or young person has experienced something upsetting online, or simply wants someone to talk to, they can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service for support.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and for giving careful thought to how you can support your child’s safety and growing independence. Please remember to take care of yourself too.

Robyn