Your Question
Hi Robyn, I am a parent of 4. My 23 year old daughter is back living with us with her 2 year old child. She was in a domestic violence situation where her partner nearly killed her. Tusla were involved and they had to leave their home and move in with us. Tusks social workers are still involved and call to our home every two weeks. I’m finding it hard to deal with what she went through , the violence she has experienced. She feels trapped having to move back and it is causing tensions at home. My son who is 22 I feel is an alcoholic. He gave up his job and stays at home drinking vodka in his room. My third son is doing his leaving cert and I feel so sorry that he has to witness such abnormal family life at home. I feel heavy and weighted down with life. I don’t know how to help my son who won’t admit he has a problem.
Answer
Welcome to our Ask Robyn service
Thank you for getting in touch with Ask Robyn.
It sounds like there is a lot happening for you and your family at the moment. It’s completely understandable that you feel heavy and weighed down with everything that has taken place, especially with so much change and emotion involved.
Supporting your daughter and grandchild
We are very sorry to hear what your daughter and grandchild have gone through. It is understandable that you would find it difficult to come to terms with what happened and to adjust to having them move back home.
There are services that can offer support to your daughter as she continues to recover from the domestic violence she experienced:
These organisations provide advice, safety planning, and emotional support for women and families affected by domestic abuse.
Concerns about your son’s drinking
You mentioned that your 22-year-old son may have a problem with alcohol. This must be very worrying for you. If you feel comfortable, you might try speaking with him about your concerns, or encourage him to talk to someone he trusts.
There are helpful resources for anyone concerned about drinking or substance use:
If his drinking is affecting daily life, it might also help to contact your GP for advice and guidance on next steps.
Supporting your grandchild
Your grandchild may also need support as they grow, especially if they witnessed any violence. When the time feels right, there are services that can help children understand and process these experiences:
These organisations can support both your daughter and her child in building safety and stability.
Supporting your son doing the Leaving Certificate
You mentioned being worried about your son who is studying for his Leaving Cert. It is understandable to feel concerned that he may be affected by the tension at home. If you haven’t already, you might gently ask him how he feels and explore ways for the family to talk openly about what’s going on.
For your son, there are some useful tips on managing stress and feeling overwhelmed at home on the Childline website. Encouraging him to take breaks, spend time with friends, or focus on hobbies may help him cope.
Taking care of yourself
With so much happening, it’s important that you also look after yourself. Taking time for activities you enjoy, or spending time outside the home, can help ease the pressure and give you space to breathe.
If you are concerned about your children’s wellbeing, behaviour, or safety, you can contact your local GP or speak with the school for advice. Your local Family Resource Centre may also have additional supports available for you and your family.
Getting further support
If you would like to talk more about any of these issues or need help finding local supports, you are very welcome to contact the ISPCC Parent Support Line at 01 522 4300 (open Monday to Friday, 9am–1pm), or email [email protected].
Take care,
Robyn
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