Hi there and welcome to Ask Robyn,

You’ve told us that your daughter thinks she might be non-binary, that you want to support her, but that you don’t know where to begin—and so you fear saying or doing the wrong thing.

Thank you for showing up

Let us start by saying thank you for stepping forward and asking for help. Your daughter is very lucky to have you in her corner.

Identity is a journey

Exploring who we are can be a very personal and emotionally deep process. Having someone close to us during the journey of discovering and building our identity—and experiencing all that comes with it—can make a big difference in terms of confidence, safety, and acceptance.

What does non-binary mean?

Non-binary is a term used to describe a gender identity that doesn’t fit strictly within the traditional categories of male or female. People who are non-binary may feel like a mix of both genders, neither, or something entirely different. Non-binary identities recognise that gender isn’t just two options—it’s a wide and diverse spectrum of experiences.

Some non-binary people use they/them pronouns, while others might use he/him, she/her, or neopronouns like ze/zir. Being non-binary isn’t about how someone looks or dresses—it’s about how they understand and experience their own gender. Some (but not all!) non-binary identities include agender, bigender, genderfluid, or androgynous.

What your daughter needs most

Leaving aside the facts and definitions, the most important thing is your relationship with your daughter. She will be the one to let you know where she feels she fits within the gender spectrum, what it means to her, whether she would like to be addressed by different pronouns, and how she wants to express her gender.

And it’s okay not to know everything. It’s okay to ask open questions. When something is important to our children and we don’t fully understand it, the best thing we can do is have an open and honest conversation.

You might say something like:

“I can see this is very important to you and I’d really like to understand more about it. What does it mean to you? How do you feel? Is there anything I can do to support you better? Will you let me know if I get something wrong? I’m new to this and I want to make sure I do my best for you.”

Support is available

It could be a good idea to link in with local LGBTQ+ organisations, such as BeLonG To Youth Services. They offer one-to-one support for young people, counselling services, and family support. They also run youth groups, which give young people a chance to connect with peers who may be going through similar experiences.

You’re not alone

We hope this helps. We’re still here if you need further support or information, so please don’t hesitate to contact us again in the future.

Wishing you and your daughter all the very best,

Robyn