Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to the Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have had a very upsetting evening. When a young person comes home much later than expected, it is completely understandable that strong emotions can come to the surface. Worry and fear can quickly turn into anger, especially when we are relieved to see they are safe.

Choosing the right moment

After a heated argument, it can help to give everyone a little time to calm down before trying to talk again. Once emotions have settled, your son may be more able to hear what you want to say. Instead of focusing on the fact that he was late, try to explain how the situation affected you. For example, letting him know that you were frightened because you did not know where he was can help him understand that your reaction came from concern rather than a desire to control him.

At the same time, it is important to listen to his perspective. Teenagers are learning to become more independent, and sometimes they do not fully appreciate the impact their actions have on those who care about them. A calm conversation where everyone has a chance to speak can help rebuild trust after an argument.

What you can do

You might find it helpful to:

• Choose a calm moment to talk and use clear, simple language to explain that your main feeling was worry because you did not know if he was safe.
• Ask him what happened and listen without interrupting, even if you do not agree with everything he says.
• Work together to agree on clear expectations about what time he should be home and what he should do if he is going to be late, such as sending a message or making a quick phone call.
• Let him know that while you understand he wants more independence, staying in touch helps you know he is safe and builds trust between you.

Looking ahead

These conversations are not always easy, and it can take more than one discussion to find a way forward. However, approaching the situation with calmness, while also keeping clear boundaries, can help reduce the chances of another argument and strengthen your relationship over time.

If you would like to talk some more about this our Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. Or you can email [email protected].

Thank you for contacting Ask Robyn. We wish you and your family all the very best as you work through this together.

Robyn