Welcome to our Ask Robyn service

It is very understandable to find co parenting challenging at times, especially when you and your co parent have different views about how to raise your child. Many separated parents share the same goal of wanting their child to feel secure, loved, and supported, yet differences in parenting styles can sometimes make this feel difficult to achieve.

Focusing on your child’s needs

When disagreements arise, it can be helpful to keep the focus on your child’s wellbeing rather than on who is right or wrong. Children generally benefit most when the important adults in their lives can work together respectfully, even when they do not always agree.

It may help to remind yourselves that consistency does not always mean doing everything exactly the same way. Children can adapt well to some differences between households when they experience clear boundaries, predictable routines, and a sense that both parents are working in their best interests.

Communicating with respect

Open and respectful communication can play an important role in successful co parenting. Although it may not always be possible to agree on every aspect of parenting, finding ways to discuss concerns calmly can help reduce tension and create a more positive environment for everyone involved.

When discussing differences, it can be useful to focus on specific issues rather than bringing up past disagreements. Choosing a time to talk when emotions are calmer may also make conversations more productive.

Looking for common ground

Even when parenting approaches differ, there are often areas where both parents share similar values. You may both want your child to feel safe, develop confidence, do well in school, or learn kindness and respect. Starting from these shared goals can make it easier to find solutions that support your child.

In addition, agreeing on a few key areas where consistency is most important can be beneficial. For example, you might focus on routines around school attendance, bedtime, health needs, or expectations around behaviour.

Practical ideas that may help

• Identify two or three parenting areas that are most important for consistency and work together to agree on these first.
• Keep communication child focused by asking, “What would best support our child in this situation?” when discussing disagreements.
• Use written communication, such as messages or emails, for more difficult discussions if this helps both of you communicate calmly and clearly.
• Acknowledge each other’s efforts and positive contributions to your child’s life, as this can help maintain a respectful co parenting relationship.

Being patient with the process

Co parenting is often an ongoing learning process rather than something that becomes easy overnight. There may be times when differences continue to exist, and that is not unusual. What often matters most for children is seeing that the adults around them are making genuine efforts to communicate respectfully and prioritise their needs.

By focusing on cooperation where possible and maintaining a child centred approach, you can help create a sense of stability and security for your child, even when parenting styles are not exactly the same.

If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. Or you can email [email protected].

Thank you for reaching out. We wish you well,

Robyn