Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out about what has been happening with your daughter.

It can be difficult when conversations about phones and social media regularly turn into arguments. As parents, we want to protect our young people while also recognising that being online can be an important part of how they socialise, relax and connect with friends. Finding the balance between keeping her safe and allowing her some independence can take time.

Understanding her online world

Firstly, it may help to approach conversations about her phone with curiosity rather than focusing only on how long she is using it. Asking what she enjoys online, which apps she likes and who she connects with can give you a better understanding of what her online life means to her.

At the same time, boundaries are still important. Rather than introducing rules during an argument, it may be more helpful to choose a calm moment to agree some expectations together. When young people have an opportunity to contribute to these conversations, they may be more willing to engage with the boundaries being set.

It can also be useful to think about whether her screen use is affecting other areas of her life, such as sleep, school, friendships, physical activity or family time. This can help shift the focus away from simply counting hours and towards finding a healthier balance.

Some practical ideas that may help

• Choose a calm time to talk about phone use rather than trying to resolve the issue during an argument.
• Agree together on a few clear and realistic boundaries, such as keeping phones away during meals or having a regular time to put devices away before bed.
• Take an interest in what she enjoys online and keep conversations about social media open so she knows she can come to you if something worries or upsets her.
• Consider how everyone in the family uses devices. Having some shared expectations around screen free family time can make boundaries feel fairer.

Keeping communication open

As your daughter grows, the boundaries around technology will naturally need to change. Therefore, it can help to review your agreements together from time to time rather than seeing them as fixed rules.

You may also find our ISPCC article on screen time helpful: ispcc.ie/screen-time-for-children-and-young-people

If you would like to talk this through further, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 533 4300. You can also email [email protected].

Your daughter can also contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service if she would like support or wants to talk about something happening in her life.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn, and please remember to take care of yourself too.

Robyn