Hello and welcome

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for taking the time to send us your question.

It sounds as though you are thinking carefully about how best to support your child as they prepare for this important stage in their life. Starting secondary school is a significant milestone, and it is completely understandable to wonder how you can help them feel emotionally prepared. This transition can bring a mixture of excitement, curiosity, nervousness, and uncertainty. While many children settle in well, it is also common for them to experience worries about making new friends, finding their way around a bigger school, managing homework, or fitting in with their peers.

The fact that you are already thinking about your child’s emotional wellbeing shows that you are creating a strong foundation of care and support. Children benefit greatly from knowing that the important adults in their lives are available to listen, encourage them, and help them navigate life’s ups and downs.

Building resilience begins with connection

Resilience is not something children are simply born with. Instead, it develops over time through supportive relationships and opportunities to overcome challenges. As parents, we cannot remove every obstacle our children will face, but we can help them build the confidence and skills they need to cope when difficulties arise.

One of the most powerful ways to do this is by staying emotionally connected. When children know they can come to us without worrying about being judged or criticised, they are much more likely to share their thoughts and feelings, even when they are struggling. Sometimes they may simply want us to listen, rather than immediately offer solutions. Feeling heard and understood can be just as valuable as having a problem solved.

It can also be helpful to remind your child that it is perfectly normal to feel nervous about change. Sharing that many children experience similar feelings can reassure them that they are not alone and that these emotions are a natural part of starting something new.

Practical ways to nurture your child’s emotional wellbeing

Here are some ideas that may help as your child prepares for secondary school:

• Create regular opportunities to talk. Rather than waiting until something goes wrong, build small moments of connection into everyday life. Conversations during meals, while travelling together, or before bedtime often feel less pressured than asking direct questions after school.

• Encourage problem solving alongside reassurance. If your child shares a worry, acknowledge how they are feeling before exploring possible solutions together. Asking questions such as, “What do you think might help?” encourages them to develop confidence in their own ability to cope with challenges.

• Focus on effort instead of perfection. Celebrate qualities such as kindness, perseverance, curiosity, and trying something new. This helps children develop healthy self esteem that is not based solely on achievement or comparison with others.

• Support healthy daily routines. Regular sleep, balanced meals, physical activity, time to relax, and opportunities to spend time with friends and family all play an important role in supporting emotional wellbeing. Maintaining familiar routines before and after the move to secondary school can also provide a reassuring sense of stability.

Preparing together for the move to secondary school

As the start of secondary school approaches, involving your child in practical preparations can help reduce uncertainty. Looking at the school website together, visiting the school if possible, practising the journey, organising school supplies, or talking through what a typical school day might look like can all help the new environment feel more familiar.

It is equally important to allow space for any worries they may have. Some children openly talk about their concerns, while others may not have the words to explain how they are feeling. Gentle, open conversations and letting your child know that all feelings are welcome can help them feel safe enough to share when they are ready.

You may also find this ISPCC article helpful as you prepare for the transition: Moving from primary to secondary school⁠.

Recognising when your child may need extra support

Every child adjusts at their own pace, so it is normal to see some changes in mood or behaviour during the first few weeks of secondary school. However, if your child continues to appear unusually anxious, withdrawn, frequently tearful, reluctant to attend school, or loses interest in activities they usually enjoy over a longer period of time, it may be a sign that they would benefit from some additional support.

If this happens, continue to offer calm reassurance and opportunities to talk. You may also find it helpful to speak with your child’s year head, class tutor, or another trusted member of the school staff. Working together can often provide children with consistent support both at home and at school.

We are here to support you

Parenting through periods of change can bring questions and uncertainties, and you do not have to navigate them alone.

If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. Or you can email [email protected].

Thank you again for contacting our Ask Robyn service with your thoughtful question. We wish you and your child every happiness and success as you begin this exciting new chapter together.

Robyn