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Your Question

My son has autism and is 14 years old, and I cheated on my husband, my husband wants to leave us and I don’t know how to explain it to him, because he is a very emotional person.

Answer

Hello, welcome to Ask Robyn.

Thank you for reaching out to us during such a challenging time. Navigating family changes is difficult for anyone, and we understand how much more complex it can feel when autism is part of the picture. Your concerns about how to explain this to your son, given his age and emotional sensitivity, are completely valid. Many parents in similar situations worry about managing their child’s understanding and emotional needs while coping with their own feelings. We’re here to offer you guidance and support as you work through this.

Children with autism often thrive with stability, so changes in the family structure can be especially unsettling. When discussing complex matters, using clear, straightforward language helps. Aim to explain the situation in simple terms, focusing on concepts he understands. Avoid getting into the details; instead, let him know that while you and his father may be spending time apart, both of you still care deeply for him. Keeping routines consistent as much as possible will also offer him a sense of security.

It may also help to prepare for some emotional responses from your son. Autistic individuals can have heightened emotions, and he may express his feelings more intensely. Acknowledge his emotions, showing him that it’s okay to feel sad or confused. You might encourage him to share his thoughts, even if it’s through activities he enjoys or feels comfortable with. Being ready to revisit the conversation at his pace can be comforting, giving him the time he needs to process these changes.

Consider involving a support system for him. This might mean working with a therapist or counsellor familiar with autism, who can help him learn healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, an outside perspective can make it easier for children to understand changes and give them tools to manage their emotions. For more specific guidance, AsIAm is a national organisation dedicated to supporting people with autism and their families and may offer additional resources tailored to your needs.

If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm, at 01 5224300, or you can email us at [email protected]. You may also find this article helpful how-to-tell-your-child-that-you-are-separating-from-their-other-parent/.

We wish you the best,

Robyn

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