My 8 year old can’t make friends

Hi there,

Thank you so much for getting in touch with Ask Robyn about what is going on for your child at the moment. It can be really hard for parents to witness their child having difficulties in making friends and managing their emotions.

It might help to start off with how to support your child in managing their emotions. Emotions are complicated and managing our emotions is important for social interactions such as developing friendships. A good starting point is emotional literacy, so recognising and naming emotions. You can play games such as name the emoji or what emoji are you feeling now? It is also important to model conversations for your child about how you are feeling such as “ I didn’t sleep well last night and I feel tired” or “I’m so happy the weather is nice today”

Having these conversations supports emotional awareness and that can also open opportunities for further conversations such as what helps when emotions feel too big. Again, important to model this you could say something like “I felt stressed because I had to make dinner and wash the dishes, it helps me to have a cup of tea after.” You can then support your child in labelling emotions such as “I wonder were you angry because…” and once they agree with the feeling you can then follow up with “I wonder would it help if..?” or “What would help you to feel better?” It is important that children know their emotions are okay and valid, and that no feeling is bad but it is important to respond to our feelings in a kind and safe way.

Schools have also gotten very good at implementing approaches for developing emotional skills, it may be helpful to talk to your child’s teacher about the language they use and this can support consistency between home and school.

It may also help to build your child’s friendship based on things he is interested in, maybe join a sports, music, arts and craft or even Lego club or explore what is available in your area. Having shared interests with peers can support that sense of belonging and many conversations for your child.

We have some articles you and your child may find helpful on our websit: www.childline.ie/making-friends/; www.childline.ie/the-importance-of-having-a-hobby-or-interest-that-you-love/.

We hope you have found this helpful. We understand that you may wish to speak about some of these areas more in detail and if so, you can contact ISPCC’s Support Line which can be contacted by email to [email protected] or by phone from Monday to Friday 9am – 1pm on 01 522 4300 

Take care,  

Robyn