Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for getting in touch about the changes you have noticed in your teenager.

As children move through adolescence, wanting more privacy and independence can be a natural part of growing up. Spending more time alone does not necessarily mean that something is wrong. However, when there is a noticeable change from how a young person usually behaves, it is worth staying curious about what may be happening for them. 

Starting a conversation gently

Rather than beginning with lots of questions about why they are staying in their room, you could simply mention what you have noticed.

Choose a relaxed moment and let them know that you have noticed they are spending more time alone and wanted to check how things are going. Try to listen without immediately offering advice or trying to solve anything.

If they do not want to talk, avoid turning the conversation into a confrontation. Let them know the opportunity remains open.

Staying connected without adding pressure

Connection does not always require a serious conversation. Small, ordinary interactions can help maintain your relationship while respecting your teenager’s growing need for privacy.

You might consider:

• Continue inviting them to family activities without making them feel guilty if they sometimes decline.
• Create opportunities to spend time together around something they enjoy, such as food, a television programme, music, walking or another shared interest.
• Ask open questions about their life and listen before offering solutions.
• Pay attention to the wider picture, including their friendships, school, sleep, appetite, interests and general mood.

Knowing what changes to look for

Withdrawal can sometimes be associated with stress, friendship difficulties, anxiety or low mood. ISPCC advises paying particular attention when changes continue for several weeks or begin affecting everyday life. (ispcc.ie⁠)

If your teenager becomes increasingly isolated, stops enjoying things they previously liked, or you notice ongoing changes in their sleep, appetite, school attendance, mood or functioning, consider speaking with your GP or another appropriate professional.

You may find this article helpful: ispcc.ie/mental-health-difficulties-among-children/

More support

Our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300, or you can email [email protected], if you would like to talk further.

Your teenager can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service if they would prefer to speak with someone outside the family.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and for paying attention to this change in your teenager. Please remember to look after yourself too,

Robyn