Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out about what has been happening with your son.

Parenting when we are tired, stressed or overwhelmed can be particularly challenging. When our own resources are running low, things that we might usually manage calmly can feel much bigger in the moment. Afterwards, it can be difficult when we look back and wish we had responded differently.

The fact that you are noticing these moments and thinking about how you would like to handle them differently gives you a useful place to start.

Recognising what happens before we react

Firstly, it can help to notice the early signs that our patience is running low. We might feel tension in our body, notice our voice becoming louder, feel irritated by small things or have the urge to respond immediately.

Recognising these signs can give us a small opportunity to pause. Where it is safe to do so, taking a moment before responding can help us work out what needs to be dealt with straight away and what can wait until everyone is calmer.

It can also be helpful to consider whether there are particular times when things tend to become more difficult. For example, mornings, homework time, bedtime or the end of a busy working day may place extra demands on both parents and children. Once we recognise these patterns, we can begin to think about what might make those times easier.

Taking some pressure out of difficult moments

When we are already exhausted, trying to manage every behaviour or issue at once can add to the pressure. Instead, it may help to decide which boundaries really matter and which smaller issues can sometimes wait.

Some practical approaches you could try include:

• Notice your own warning signs and, where possible, give yourself a few moments before responding.
• Choose a small number of important boundaries to focus on, such as safety, respectful behaviour and essential family routines.
• Keep instructions simple when emotions are high and return to longer conversations when both you and your son are calmer.
• Look at where you may be able to accept support or create small opportunities to rest and recharge, particularly during periods when you are feeling stretched.

Reconnecting after a difficult moment

Even with the best intentions, there may still be times when we respond more strongly than we would have liked. When this happens, coming back to your son afterwards can be valuable.

We can acknowledge that the situation became difficult, take responsibility for how we responded and talk about what could happen differently next time. This shows children that relationships can recover after challenging moments and that adults can reflect on their behaviour too.

Importantly, reconnecting does not mean that a boundary or consequence needs to disappear. We can maintain a limit while still acknowledging that we could have communicated it more calmly.

Looking after ourselves too

Finally, our ability to remain patient can be affected by our own stress, sleep, responsibilities and emotional wellbeing. Small acts of self care may not remove the pressures we are facing, but they can help us manage them more effectively.

If you find that feeling overwhelmed is becoming difficult to manage or is affecting your wellbeing regularly, it may also be helpful to speak with your GP or another appropriate support.

If you would like to talk this through further, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 522 4300. You can also email [email protected].

If your son would ever like someone outside the family to talk to, he can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service for support.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn. Please remember to look after yourself as well as those around you.

Robyn