Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for reaching out about your 15 year old.

Discovering that your teenager has been deliberately hurting themselves can be frightening and upsetting. It is understandable that you are worried about their safety and want to find a way to help without making them feel judged or causing them to withdraw further.

You mentioned that your teenager does not consider the behaviour serious because it does not cause bleeding. However, any deliberate self harm deserves attention, even when there are no visible injuries.

Understanding what self harm may mean

Self harm can sometimes be a way of coping with overwhelming emotions, stress, anxiety or feelings that are difficult to express.

Not every young person who self harms intends to end their life, but self harm can be associated with an increased risk of suicide. Therefore, it is important to take the behaviour seriously and seek appropriate professional support.

Your teenager may genuinely be unsure why they are hurting themselves. They may also feel embarrassed, frightened or uncertain about how to explain what is happening.

Rather than expecting them to understand or explain everything immediately, we can focus on helping them feel safe enough to begin talking.

Starting a conversation without judgement

Firstly, try to choose a calm and private moment when neither of you feels rushed.

You could acknowledge that you are concerned because you care about their wellbeing and want to understand what they are going through.

Try to avoid reacting with anger, blame or demands that they promise never to do it again. Although these reactions can come from fear, they may make it harder for a young person to talk openly.

Instead, allow pauses in the conversation and listen carefully to whatever they feel comfortable sharing.

Practical steps that may help

• Let your teenager know that you want to understand what they are experiencing and that they can speak without fear of punishment or judgement.
• Ask calmly and directly whether they have been thinking about suicide or ending their life. Asking this question does not put the idea into their head and can help identify whether urgent support is needed.
• Arrange an appointment with your GP as soon as possible to discuss the self harm and explore appropriate mental health support, even if your teenager says the behaviour is not serious.
• Work with your teenager and an appropriate professional on a safety plan, including identifying trusted adults, recognising warning signs and reducing access to anything they may use to hurt themselves.

When immediate help is needed

If your teenager has seriously injured themselves, has taken an overdose, is expressing an intention to end their life, or you believe they may be in immediate danger, contact emergency services on 999 or 112 or attend the nearest emergency department.

If you are unsure whether they are safe, seek urgent medical advice rather than waiting for a routine appointment.

It is also important not to leave a young person alone when there is an immediate concern about their safety.

Keeping communication open

Your teenager may not be ready to discuss everything with you straight away. This does not mean that you should stop checking in.

Gentle, regular conversations and everyday moments of connection can help maintain trust while professional support is being arranged.

If speaking face to face feels difficult, they may prefer writing down their thoughts or speaking with another trusted adult or professional.

Although respecting their privacy matters, concerns about their safety must take priority. Explain sensitively when information needs to be shared with a professional to help protect them.

Finding further support

We would strongly encourage you to seek professional advice about your teenager’s self harm rather than trying to manage this situation alone.

You can also contact our ISPCC Support Line for guidance around supporting your young person. Our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm on01 522 4300. You can email [email protected].

Your teenager can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service on 1800 66 66 66 or through Childline.ie. Childline can provide a listening ear, although it is not a replacement for emergency or clinical care when a young person is at risk.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and for seeking support for your teenager. Please remember to take care of yourself too during what may be a very worrying time.

Robyn