Welcome to Ask Robyn

Welcome to our Ask Robyn service, and thank you for getting in touch about your child.

It can be frustrating when a child seems excited to begin an activity but wants to stop as soon as it becomes challenging. We may worry that allowing them to quit will prevent them from learning perseverance, while pushing them to continue can sometimes turn an activity into a source of stress.

There is not always one right answer. Instead, it can help to understand what is behind the desire to stop before deciding whether encouragement to continue or permission to step away is more appropriate.

Finding out what feels difficult

When your child says they want to quit, try to become curious about the reason.

Perhaps they are struggling with a skill and feel embarrassed, are comparing themselves with other children, do not enjoy the activity as much as expected, or are finding the environment or group difficult. At other times, they may simply be experiencing the normal frustration that comes with learning something new.

Understanding the difference matters. ISPCC guidance on children wanting to leave activities similarly recommends exploring what part of the experience is difficult rather than assuming that continuing is always the best response. (ispcc.ie⁠)

Teaching persistence in manageable steps

Persistence does not necessarily mean continuing indefinitely with every activity we begin. It can also mean learning to tolerate frustration, trying another approach and giving something a reasonable opportunity before making a thoughtful decision.

Some practical ideas that may help include:

• Break a difficult skill or goal into smaller steps so that progress feels achievable.
• Praise effort, practice and problem solving rather than focusing mainly on results or being the best.
• Agree on a manageable trial period before starting a new activity, then review together how it is going.
• Ask what would make the difficult part easier rather than immediately deciding that they must continue or can stop.

Knowing when stopping is reasonable

There are also times when leaving an activity can be the appropriate decision.

If your child consistently dislikes it, is highly distressed before attending, feels unsafe or uncomfortable, or has given it a fair opportunity and discovered that it simply is not for them, stopping does not necessarily teach them to give up.

Instead, it can become an opportunity to talk about the difference between escaping a temporary challenge and making a considered choice about where we want to spend our time and energy.

Building resilience beyond activities

Resilience develops through many everyday experiences. Children build it when they solve problems, recover from disappointment, ask for help, try something again and discover that making mistakes is part of learning.

If wanting to quit seems connected to wider anxiety, very low confidence, fear of making mistakes or difficulties affecting several areas of your child’s life, it may be useful to explore this further with your GP or another appropriate professional.

Support for you

If you would like to talk some more about this or any other worry you may have, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday from 9:00am to 1:00pm at 01 522 4300. You can also email [email protected].

Support for your child

If your child is old enough, they can contact Childline’s 24 hour confidential, non judgemental and anonymous service if they would like to talk about anything they are finding difficult.

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Robyn and for helping your child learn how to navigate both challenge and choice. Please remember to take care of yourself too,

Robyn