Hi there,

Thank you for getting in touch with Ask Robyn.

It sounds like there is a lot going on at the moment, and your daughter’s lying may be having a real impact on both of you. You’re not alone in this — many parents face similar challenges at this stage. You mentioned that the lies range from small ones to very believable exaggerations, and that it’s become difficult to trust what your daughter says. This can understandably be upsetting and even frightening.

Why children lie

Children may ie for many different reasons, including:

• To avoid getting into trouble
• To see how others will react
• To make a story more exciting
• To gain attention or admiration
• To get something they want
• To avoid hurting someone’s feelings

It’s also worth noting that children tend to begin experimenting with lying between the ages of 4 and 6. At this stage, they’re developing the ability to match facial expressions and body language with what they’re saying, which can make their lies seem more convincing. As children grow, their lies may become more complex as their language and understanding of social situations improve.

Encouraging honesty

Once children understand the difference between what is true and what is not, it’s helpful to actively encourage and support them in telling the truth. Here are some practical approaches:

• Talk about honesty and lying: Ask open-ended questions such as, “How would you feel if Niamh lied to you?” or “What might happen if someone lies to their teacher?”
• Avoid creating pressure to lie: Instead of asking, “Did you spill the water?”, you could say, “I see there’s been an accident with the water. Let’s clean it up together.”
• Praise honesty: Reinforce truthful behaviour with encouragement, e.g., “I’m so glad you told me what happened — we can fix this together.”
• Be a role model: Share simple examples of times when you’ve told the truth, even if it was difficult, e.g., “I made a mistake at work today, but I told my boss so we could fix it.”

Responding to lies in a supportive way

If your child tells a lie, try to gently help them take responsibility without using labels like “liar”, which can be damaging.

• Address the behaviour calmly: Let your child know it’s not okay to lie, but also explain why honesty is important and how it builds trust.
• Point out the truth when you know it: Avoid asking repeatedly if they’re telling the truth, but do calmly acknowledge when something isn’t true.
• Avoid labels: Instead of saying, “You’re lying again”, try something like, “You’re usually very honest, but I can’t figure out what happened to the last slice of cake.”
• Understand the motive: Consider why your child might be lying. For example, if they lie to get rewards, you could introduce a positive rewards system to reinforce good behaviour and honesty.

When lying may be a sign of something more serious

Sometimes, children lie to protect themselves or others — particularly if they’re experiencing something harmful, such as bullying or abuse. In these cases:

• Reassure your child that they will be safe and supported if they tell the truth.
• Let them know you will do everything you can to make things better.

If you’re concerned about your daughter’s wellbeing, behaviour, or safety, it’s a good idea to speak with your GP or a staff member at her school. You can also reach out to your local Family Resource Centre, as they may offer supports for both you and your daughter.

Further support

If you would like to speak to someone in more detail or need more guidance, you are very welcome to contact us:

• Parenting Support Line: 01 522 4300 (open Monday–Friday, 9am–1pm)
• Email: [email protected]

Please don’t hesitate to reach out again if you have more questions or would like further support.

Take care,

Robyn