Hi there, and welcome to our Ask Robyn service!

We’re really glad you reached out. Dealing with a child who is acting out with a continuous pattern of aggression and disrespect can be extremely difficult and emotionally exhausting. You are not alone, and there are steps you can take to help restore balance in the home.

Firstly, try to understand the reasoning behind the behaviour and the triggers that may cause it to escalate. Dominating behaviours like this often stem from an underlying stressor the child may be experiencing, such as difficulties at school or emotional pain. Observe any sudden changes in your daughter’s mood or temperament that lead to violent outbursts. It’s possible that she has an unmet need, such as changes at home, struggles with self-expression, or a desire for attention. It is important to note that there are healthier ways to express emotions without causing harm to others.

By setting boundaries, you can work towards breaking the pattern of this behaviour by establishing a zero-tolerance policy for violence in the household. Enforcing consistent consequences reinforces the message that hurting or taunting others is unacceptable. Encouraging respectful communication, even when your daughter and younger sibling are upset or frustrated, can help model calm behaviour that they may follow. Teach them conflict resolution by helping them state their feelings to each other, allowing them to problem-solve instead of resorting to physical aggression. Praise and reward positive interactions to reinforce kind behaviour between siblings.

If the behaviour continues or worsens, seeking additional support may be beneficial. A therapist can help both you and your children emotionally, equipping you with the skills to teach them how to calm themselves when frustrated and manage physical conflict. Other support options include consulting a doctor, who may rule out underlying emotional or behavioural concerns, or speaking with a school counsellor for further guidance.

Finally, remind yourself that you are doing the right thing by seeking help. Addressing this behaviour with consistency and patience, while trying to understand its root cause, can lead to real change. 

Take care, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk more. You can contact the ISPCC Support Line Service at 01 5224300. This service is available Monday to Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Or you can email to [email protected]. Your children can find support at Childline, by calling the freephone number 1800 66 66 66, or having a Live Chat at Childline.ie. This service is open 24-hours a day, everyday.

Robyn