Your Question
My daughter is 15. I recently found out that has been drinking and smoking weed. I know that teenagers experiment with this kind of thing but I am worried it will have long term risks. My instinct is to becom very strict on her outings and who she hangs out with. She sometimes mentions that has a negative self image and she is generally not happy. If this the root cause of her behaviour. Should i take her to see a therapist?
Answer
Welcome to Ask Robyn
Thank you for reaching out to our Ask Robyn service. It can be very upsetting to discover that your child is drinking alcohol and using cannabis, especially when you are already aware that she is feeling unhappy and struggling with her self image. Your concern shows how much you care about her wellbeing.
Understanding what might be going on
It is true that many teenagers experiment with alcohol and drugs. However, when this happens alongside low mood or negative feelings about themselves, it can sometimes be a sign that a young person is trying to cope with difficult emotions. Therefore, it is understandable that you are worried about long term risks and about how best to respond as a parent.
Responding without pushing her away
Your instinct to become very strict comes from a place of protection. However, overly tight restrictions can sometimes lead young people to withdraw or hide things more. Instead, keeping communication open can help you understand what is driving her behaviour and let her know that she is not facing this alone.
Could therapy be helpful
If your daughter is often unhappy or has a negative self image, speaking with a therapist or counsellor could be very beneficial. Therapy can offer a safe and confidential space for her to explore her feelings, build coping skills, and improve her confidence. In addition, a professional can help assess whether her substance use is experimental or linked to deeper emotional difficulties.
Practical steps you can take now
You might find it helpful to focus on a few supportive actions, such as:
- Having calm and non judgemental conversations with her about how she is feeling and what might be behind the drinking or cannabis use.
- Setting clear but reasonable boundaries around safety while also explaining your concerns and listening to her perspective.
- Encouraging positive activities and friendships that support her self esteem and sense of belonging.
- Seeking professional advice for both her and yourselves as parents so you feel more confident in how to support her.
Learning more about risks and support
You may also find this article helpful, as it explains the effects of drugs and alcohol on young people and how parents can respond: ispcc.ie/drugs-
You are not alone
Parenting through the teenage years can feel overwhelming, particularly when your child is struggling. If you would like to talk some more about this our Support Line is open Monday-Friday 9:00am – 1:00pm on 01 5224300. Our you can email [email protected]. Both these services will reopen on January 5th.
Support for your daughter
Your daughter can contact our Childline service free at phone 1800 66 66 66, or by web-chat at Childline.ie. This service is non-judgemental, confidential, and anonymous (we don’t use caller ID nor device IP address). She does not have to feel alone. The Childline Team are here to support and explore her options in a safe place, and are open 24/7.
We hope you find the above helpful. Remember to look after yourself too during this time,
Robyn
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