Your Question
Hi Robyn, My husband and I are separating. There is no agreement in place yet. He is refusing to tell me where my young children will be when they are staying with him in his new place ie he is only giving me a vague idea of where his new place is. Can he do this?
Answer
Welcome to Ask Robyn
Thank you for getting in touch with us. We can hear how worrying and unsettling this situation feels for you. Separation can already be a difficult time, and not knowing where your children are staying can understandably add to your stress and concern.
Your concern is valid
It is completely reasonable for you to want to know where your young children are when they are not in your care. As a parent, you have a responsibility for their safety and wellbeing, and having clear information about where they are staying is part of that.
Understanding the situation
In general, both parents are expected to act in the best interests of their children. This includes being open and cooperative about arrangements, especially where younger children are concerned. While there may not yet be a formal agreement in place, it is not considered good practice for one parent to withhold basic information such as the address where the children will be staying.
However, because there is no legal agreement currently in place, the situation can feel unclear and difficult to manage. This is why it can be helpful to begin putting more structured arrangements in place. You may also find it useful to learn more about family law and parenting arrangements through the courts service here: courts.ie/hubs/
What you can do next
In the meantime, there are some steps you can take to help bring more clarity and reassurance to the situation:
- Try to communicate calmly and clearly with your husband about your need to know where the children are staying, focusing on their safety rather than conflict between you both
- Consider seeking mediation support to help both of you agree on parenting arrangements in a neutral and structured way
- Look into getting legal advice so you understand your rights and options around custody and access arrangements
- Keep a record of communication and any concerns you have, as this may be helpful if further support or intervention is needed
Moving forward
Although this is a challenging situation, taking steps towards clearer communication and formal agreements can help reduce uncertainty and support your children’s wellbeing. You deserve to feel reassured about their safety, and it is okay to seek support in getting there.
If you would like to talk some more about this our Support Line is open Monday-Friday 9:00am – 1:00pm on 01 5224300. Our you can email [email protected].
We wish you and your family the best, take care,
Robyn
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