Acknowledging your experience

Hi there,

Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like things have been really tough lately and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed when your two toddlers are constantly on the go and struggling to get along. You’re not alone in this, and there are supports available to help you manage these behaviours and feel more confident as a parent.

Understanding the behaviour

Toddlers often act out because they are overwhelmed, tired, hungry, or struggling to express big emotions. Aggression and hyperactivity can be a sign of unmet needs or difficulty with emotional regulation. By asking yourself what is happening before the behaviour, you may be able to identify a pattern, for example after meals or before naps. Keeping a behaviour diary may help to spot triggers.

Responding calmly and consistently

When challenging behaviours arise, staying calm and consistent can help children feel safe and shows them how to handle frustration. Although it can be difficult, try to avoid shouting or reacting emotionally. Use a low, slow voice when giving instructions. Setting clear, short rules such as “Kind hands”, “We take turns”, or “No hitting”, and reinforcing them through praise, builds self-esteem and encourages positive behaviour. This can include naming the behaviour, for example: “You were so gentle with your sister” or “I love how you waited your turn”.

Encouraging independence and conflict resolution

Toddlers often crave independence, and giving them small choices can reduce power struggles, such as choosing which colour cup they would like. Where a challenging situation arises, you can teach conflict resolution by encouraging each child to express their feelings and take turns speaking in a calm environment. Using a collaborative approach such as “Let’s find a way to fix this together” and staying with them during a meltdown builds trust. Naming their feelings also builds emotional awareness, for example: “I see you are upset, I am here with you” or “You’re angry because your toy was taken”. Your patience and empathy help create emotional safety.

Getting extra support

If these behaviours are extreme or persistent, it’s okay to ask for help. Here are a few services that can support you at this time:

• Parentline: A free, confidential helpline offering support and guidance on all parenting issues, including aggression and hyperactivity in young children. They also run online parenting courses in partnership with Parents Plus, which are practical and evidence-based.
  Call: 01 873 3500 or 1890 927 277 | Website: parentline.ie
• Family Resource Centres: Your local centre may offer parenting programmes, toddler groups, and home support. You can find your nearest centre at familyresource.ie.
• Our own, ISPCC Parenting Support Line: Available Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm. You can contact the service by email at [email protected] or by calling 01 522 4300.

Closing message

You are doing a great job by seeking guidance around this. You are clearly a caring and thoughtful parent. Thank you for getting in touch and we hope you have found this helpful.

Take care,

Robyn