Your Question
I came across a comment my daughter left on an Instagram post, and it was honestly really mean. There were already some upsetting comments, but what she wrote really shocked me. Now I’m unsure what to do. I don’t know if I should bring it up with her. I don’t want her to feel like I’m spying on her or trying to control everything she does. I’m worried that if I say something, she’ll just start hiding things from me. But at the same time, the comment was really harsh, and I feel like I can’t just ignore it. What should I do?
Answer
Welcome to Ask Robyn
Thank you for getting in touch with us. It is completely understandable to feel concerned and unsure about how to handle this situation. Addressing what you saw is important, and your desire to find the right approach shows your genuine wish to help your daughter express herself in healthier ways. At the same time, it can be challenging to find a balanced way to do this that keeps communication open and builds trust.
Build an Open and Safe Communication Channel
It is important to begin addressing what happened by having an open conversation with your daughter that does not make her feel watched or controlled. You might choose a calm moment to gently bring it up, asking what was going on when she wrote that comment. Try to approach the conversation with curiosity and care rather than judgment. This can help build a relationship that makes her feel comfortable sharing her thoughts more broadly.
Listen to Her Perspective
Give her the space to explain without reacting immediately, so she feels safe sharing her feelings and the reasons behind her comment. Approaching the conversation with empathy and openness will make her less likely to shut down or hide things from you. Creating a non-judgemental space helps her feel comfortable explaining her point of view and allows you to be more receptive and understanding in return.
Help Her Understand the Impact of Her Actions
During the conversation, gently guide her to reflect on how her words might affect others, opening the door to a discussion about kindness and respect online. The goal is not to control her but to support her in understanding the impact of her actions while maintaining a strong relationship. It is also important for her to develop a sense of responsibility, recognising that words, even those shared online, can deeply affect others, and that everyone plays a role in keeping the online world a safe and positive space.
Explore More Respectful Alternatives
You might ask her what she intended to achieve with that comment and explore together more respectful ways to express her opinion. Let her know that if she feels upset about something online, she can always come to you for support in understanding the situation and working out how to respond.
If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9:00 am to 1:00 pm, on 01 522 4300. You can also email [email protected].
Thank you for contacting us. We hope the above is helpful dor you,
Robyn
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