Your Question
Some of my son’s classmates sent a meme making fun of Arab people, implying they’re all terrorists. His friends laughed at it in the group chat, and even though my son laughed along at first, he later came to me and showed me the picture. He also told me it’s not the first time something like this has happened. He usually doesn’t come to me about things like this, so I know it really bothered him. He said he generally gets along with these friends and has fun with them, but this kind of stuff is starting to upset him. I told him he should let them know how it makes him feel, but he’s afraid they’ll think he’s overreacting or being annoying if he speaks up. Now he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore with me, but I can’t just ignore what happened. I’m not sure what to do to help him.
Answer
Welcome to Ask Robyn
Thank you for getting in touch with such a thoughtful and important question. You’re right to be concerned. It’s upsetting to hear that your son experienced this, and your instinct to support him is spot on. We’re glad you reached out, that alone shows how much you care.
Your concern is completely valid
It makes total sense that you’re feeling unsure of what to do, any parent would feel the same in this situation. But one really important thing stands out: your son came to you. That tells us he trusts you and feels safe with you, which is a huge strength in supporting him through this.
Empower your child
Let your son know how brave he was to speak up and show you the meme. That took courage, and it’s something to be proud of. Keep encouraging him to use his voice, but also let him know it’s okay to take a break from talking if it feels like too much. Acknowledge that it’s normal to be upset by things like this, and remind him that you are there to support him in whatever way he needs.
Keep the relationship open and safe
The fact that he opened up, even once, means he feels comfortable turning to you. These kinds of situations are difficult to talk about, especially while he is still processing what happened. He may avoid the topic to protect himself from further discomfort. But pushing these feelings down can have a lasting impact. Keep gently checking in, letting him know that you’re always available to listen and work through it with him when he’s ready.
Give it time, but don’t let it slide
Just because he doesn’t want to talk about it now doesn’t mean the conversation is over. He may need time and space. Let him know you respect that, while also explaining that this is something that shouldn’t be ignored. What happened wasn’t okay, and something should be done to prevent it happening again. Reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone.
Help him name what happened
You can support your son by helping him recognise that what happened was racism, even if it was framed as a “joke.” Let him know he never has to tolerate that just to keep friends. He deserves respectful friendships and a school environment where he feels emotionally and physically safe. Naming the issue may be tough for him, so be ready to offer emotional support, or to seek extra help if needed.
Bring the school in
Jokes like these often go unchecked because they’ve been normalised. That’s exactly why they’re so damaging and difficult to challenge without support. Getting teachers or the school involved is a key step in making long-term change. It sends a clear message that this behaviour is not okay, and it should not be minimised or ignored.
We’re here to support you
If you would like to talk more about this, our Parenting Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9:00am – 1:00pm on 01 522 4300, or you can email us at [email protected]. We’re here to listen and help you find the best path forward for your family.
Your son can also contact Childline, our free, confidential, and non-judgemental service for young people. Childline is open 24/7, and your child can reach out by calling 1800 66 66 66, or chatting online at Childline.ie. The service is anonymous, we do not use caller ID or IP addresses. Your son is never alone. We’re here to support him and explore his options in a safe place.
Thank yu again for reaching out,
Robyn
Ask us a question
You can ask us about anything you want, there’s nothing too big or small.