Your Question
My 18 year old is still leaving at home but he thinks he can do whatever he wants. He has his own car and think that he can come at go at whatever time he pleases. If I ask him to be back at a certain time, he says he’s 18 and can come back whenever he wants. How do I approach it
Answer
Welcome and thank you
Welcome to Ask Robyn, thank you for reaching out today.
It is important for parents to have access to support and guidance for issues they need help with, are entitled to, or are curious about. You have mentioned that your 18-year-old is still living at home but feels like he can do whatever he wants, and you are wondering about the best way to approach this situation.
When children begin to enter adulthood, it can be lovely to have them around, but it can also be challenging at times, especially when it comes to maintaining your own space, routines, and sense of balance in your home.
Communicating with your young adult
Communication is important here. Try talking to your son at a calm time and explain that while you understand he is now 18 and an adult who desires his own freedom, he is still living in the family home, and with that comes some boundaries and responsibilities.
Setting boundaries and expectations
Setting boundaries helps to define what is acceptable and what is not, while also fostering respect and clarity in your shared home. A conversation about implementing some house rules or expectations may be helpful, as this will help you both to feel comfortable, listened to, and respected. It will also allow for collaboration and negotiation, giving you both an opportunity to share your views and expectations.
Reassure your son that you are not setting new rules or boundaries as a punishment, but rather as a way to bring about some positive change in the home environment.
Encouraging responsibility
It may also be beneficial to gently encourage your 18-year-old to take on a little more responsibility, whether that means contributing to household jobs, managing his own finances, or respecting shared spaces. This will help him to develop lifelong skills that will serve him well in the future.
Seeking support
Speaking with other parents who are navigating similar challenges can be incredibly reassuring. Have you considered joining a local support group or online community to share experiences and gain support?
The ISPCC (Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) also offers a Support Line Service, where you can speak with a team member. Sometimes, having a conversation can help ease the pressure and guide you towards a solution that works for you. The ISPCC Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm. You can contact them at 01 522 4300 or via email at [email protected]. Another service you can try is Parentline; their number is 01 873 3500.
Closing
We hope this information has been helpful and relevant. Wishing you the very best of luck with everything,
Robyn
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