Your Question
Hi Robyn, how do I support my 18teen year old daughter who has been self harming since she was 12 has been to therapy for few years but now has decided to take anti depressants. She won’t go to therapy anymore as she says it didn’t help. She is 18 so she got the prescription herself as she doesn’t need my consent. I am very upset that she felt the need to take meds as I thought she was doing well ..but obviously she isn’t. At a loss
Answer
Hi there, and welcome
Welcome to Ask Robyn. Thank you for getting in touch.
We can hear how tough things are for you at the moment. Supporting a young adult through emotional challenges can feel overwhelming, especially when self harm and medication are involved.
Understanding her decision
It may feel difficult to navigate mixed emotions around her choosing antidepressants. It can help to remember that her decision to try medication may reflect a wish to feel better rather than a rejection of your support. Even though she has stepped away from therapy, the work she did there may still be helping her in ways that are not immediately obvious.
Talk therapy can be intense, and many people leave sessions feeling emotionally raw. This is normal and does not mean that the therapy failed. She has had the experience of sharing her feelings with a professional and she may return to therapy in the future when she feels ready.
Keeping communication open
Keeping communication open during this vulnerable time is key. Letting her know that you are proud of her for seeking help, even if it is not the path you expected, can help her feel supported rather than judged. By gently asking how she feels about the medication and what she hopes it will do for her, you show curiosity and openness rather than assumptions.
Encouraging her to track her mood, sleep and daily experiences and to follow up with her doctor if anything changes can help her stay informed without feeling pressured. Try not to frame her choices as setbacks. Instead, validate her experience and let her know you will continue to be there for her.
Offering steady emotional support
Your daughter may feel overwhelmed at times and may pull away or not want to talk. Being a steady and calm presence can help her feel grounded without the pressure of constant conversation. Small gestures like a cup of tea, a snack, or a simple note saying you care can remind her that she is not alone.
Offering empathy rather than criticism helps her feel safe and supported. Even small acts of kindness can make a meaningful difference on difficult days.
Exploring additional supports
When the time feels right for her, it may help to consider additional supports. Services such as Jigsaw or Pieta in Ireland may offer guidance for young people and families. You might also find value in seeking supports for yourself through parenting or mental health services.
A gentle reminder
You are not her therapist. You are her anchor. Your role is not to fix everything, but to walk beside her.
Thank you
Thank you for getting in touch. If you wish to discuss this further, the ISPCC Support Line service can be contacted by email at [email protected] or between 9am and 1pm Monday to Friday by calling 01 522 4300.
Take care of yourself. We wish you the best,
Robyn
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