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Supporting a child who is expressing anger

Supporting a child who is expressing anger can be very challenging, particularly when the anger comes out in ways that feel intense, unpredictable, or even unsafe. You may have tried different strategies already and still feel unsure of what will help. Many parents in this situation feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or alone. It is important to know that you are not on your own and that support is available.

Children and young people may express anger for many different reasons, including stress, emotional overwhelm, difficulty communicating needs, changes in their environment, or past experiences. Anger is often a sign that a child is struggling with something that feels too big to manage on their own. The steps below are designed to help you support your child in these moments, while also minding your own wellbeing.

1. Stay calm and present

When your child is angry, they may not yet have the capacity to think clearly or communicate calmly. Your presence can help them feel safer.

• Keep your voice steady and low.
• Try to maintain open, non-threatening body language.
• Where possible, avoid arguing, matching tone, or reacting immediately.

If you need to step back briefly to regulate yourself, that is okay:

“I am here and I want to help. I am going to take a moment so I can support us both.”

This models emotional regulation and reduces escalation.

2. Acknowledge what they’re experiencing

You do not need to agree with their behaviour to recognise their distress. Acknowledging feelings (not behaviours) can help de-escalate the situation.

Examples:

• “This is really hard for you.”
• “I can see this feels like a lot.”
• “I hear you.”

This lets the child know you are trying to understand and that they are not facing the feeling alone.

3. Support the body to calm the mind

Strong emotions affect the nervous system. Helping the body settle can help your child regain control.

You might try:

• Breathing together (for example, slow breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth)
• Movement, such as walking or stretching
• Sensory grounding, such as holding something cold or firm
• A quiet space, if your child seeks distance

Different strategies work for different children. Small, simple, repeated supports are often most effective.

4. Talk later, when calm

When a child is in the height of anger, learning cannot happen. Conversations are most useful after your child is settled.

When things are calm, try gentle, curious questions:

• “What was happening for you?”
• “Where did you feel it in your body?”
• “What could help next time?”

This encourages emotional awareness and problem-solving skills.

5. Build coping skills together

Managing anger is a skill that develops with time and support. Helpful strategies may include:

• Naming emotions (“I’m frustrated / overwhelmed / embarrassed”)
• Recognising when they need space or support
• Using creative outlets (drawing, music, journaling)
• Creating a Calm Plan — a small list of coping options they can choose from

Practising these strategies outside of moments of anger is key.

6. Take care of your own wellbeing

Supporting a child during anger can be draining. It is okay to seek support for yourself. Caring for your emotional capacity helps you stay steady for your child.

You do not have to face this alone. ISPCC provides support for parents and families who are experiencing significant emotional or behavioural challenges.

Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) Programme

The ISPCC NVR programme supports parents and caregivers in responding to difficult or harmful behaviours in a calm, confident, and non-escalatory way. It focuses on:

• Increasing parental presence and confidence
• Reducing conflict and aggression
• Building safer patterns of communication
• Strengthening connection within the family

NVR is structured and supportive, and you will be guided step by step.

https://www.ispcc.ie/nvr/

Childline Therapeutic Support Service (CTSS)

ISPCC CTSS provides therapeutic support for children and young people who may be finding their emotions difficult to manage. This work helps children:

• Understand their feelings
• Develop coping strategies
• Strengthen relationships and communication at home

CTSS involves the child and family working together in a supportive, strengths-based way: ispcc.ie/child-and-family-support-services/

Childline is always here to listen, support, and help children express what is going on for them:

• Phone: 1800 66 66 66 (24/7)
• Live Chat: childline.ie

Supporting a child through moments of anger can take time, patience, and ongoing support, and help is available.

Other helpful supports

• Barnardos Parent Support
• Parenting24Seven (Tusla)
• Jigsaw (for ages 12–25)

ISPCC Parent Support Line

ISPCC also have a Support Line for parents and/or concerned adults around childrens safety, open Monday to Friday, 9:00am–1:00pm.

• Phone: 01 522 4300
• Email: [email protected]
• ispcc.ie/ispcc-support-line/

Thank you again for getting in touch with us. We hope you find the above helpful,

Robyn