Welcome to Ask Robyn

Firstly, we want to thank you for reaching out to our Ask Robyn service. It takes courage to share something so painful and confusing, and we are really glad you did.

Acknowledging what you are feeling

What you are describing is an incredibly distressing and overwhelming situation. It is completely natural to feel shock, disbelief, and a sense that this cannot be real. As a parent, hearing that your child has experienced something as traumatic as rape can feel unbearable. Your concern, love, and desire to protect your daughter are very clear.

At the same time, your daughter has taken a very significant step in telling you what has happened. Even if she is not ready to share all the details, her decision to confide in you shows trust. That trust is something really important to protect and nurture right now.

Understanding your daughter’s response

It can be very difficult to accept that your daughter does not want to name the person who hurt her. However, after trauma, young people often need a sense of control. Choosing what to share and when is one way they try to regain that control. She may feel scared, ashamed, confused, or worried about consequences. This does not mean she does not need support. It means she may need time and reassurance that she is safe and believed.

What you can do to support her

There are some gentle but important ways you can help your daughter during this time:

• Keep communication open and calm
  Let her know you believe her and that she can talk to you whenever she feels ready. Try to avoid pressing her for details, as this may cause her to withdraw.
• Reassure her that she is not to blame
  Young people can carry a lot of self blame after sexual trauma. Hearing clearly and consistently that this was not her fault is very important.
• Seek specialist support together or separately
  You do not have to manage this alone. Services like CARI.ie and the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC.ie) offer expert support for both young people and parents.
• Look after your own wellbeing too
  You are dealing with a lot emotionally. Speaking to a support service or counsellor yourself can help you process what has happened and stay strong for your daughter.

Support available for your daughter

It might also help your daughter to know she has someone outside the family to talk to. She can contact our Childline service for free on 1800 66 66 66 or through web chat at Childline.ie. The service is non judgemental, confidential, and anonymous. We do not use caller identification or device IP address. She is never alone. There is always someone there to listen and support her in a safe space, 24 hours a day, every day.

Moving forward

While this may feel like a bad dream right now, taking small, steady steps can help both you and your daughter begin to cope with what has happened. Your presence, care, and willingness to listen are already powerful supports in her life.

If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 5224300. Or you can email [email protected].

Thank you again for getting in touch. Your daughter is lucky to have you. We wish yuo the best,

Robyn