Thank you for sharing your concern.

Arguments are a natural part of family life, and these can certainly happen more often as your child enters their teenage years. Sometimes, conflicts may escalate into arguments where your teenager insults you or swears. This can be deeply hurtful and frustrating for any parent to manage.

While a certain level of anger and frustration is common during adolescence, it is never acceptable for your teenager to use aggression, threats, or violence towards you or other family members.

To help teens who are displaying aggression, it can be useful to:

• Establish clear, respectful communication
• Set consistent boundaries and consequences
• Use positive reinforcement when you notice calm or respectful behaviour
• Stay calm yourself, and try to separate their emotions from their actions
• Give them space to de-escalate, while encouraging them to express their feelings in healthier ways

Professional support can make a big difference. Counselling or anger management services may help your son understand and manage his emotions. One example of a helpful approach is identifying triggers—situations, emotions, or experiences that lead to outbursts. Once he is more aware of these, he may start developing better ways to cope.

It’s also very important to look after yourself. Living with a teen who is often angry or aggressive can leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. You may feel like you’re putting in huge effort for very little change—but you’re not alone, and support is available.

Try to explore what might be at the root of your son’s anger. Common contributing factors include:

• School pressures or learning difficulties
• Bullying or peer conflict
• Friendship issues
• Mental health struggles (such as anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem)
• Family breakdown or other home stressors
• Illness, loss, or other trauma

Most importantly, prioritise safety—for yourself, your daughter, and your son. If you notice signs that a situation is escalating towards violence, have a safety plan in place. This could include having a room you can go to, a phone ready to call for help, or a code word your daughter can use to signal distress.

If your son needs someone to talk to, Childline offers a confidential listening service available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He can contact them anonymously by phone on 1800 66 66 66, or through online chat at childline.ie.

We also offer support to parents through the Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) programme, which helps families experiencing child-to-parent violence. This programme focuses on improving family relationships while addressing challenging behaviours in a safe, structured way. You can find out more about it here ispcc.ie/child-to-parent-violence-the-non-violent-resistance-programme-nvr.

You are taking a brave and important step by seeking help. Support is out there for both you and your son. Our Support Line is open Monday to Friday, 9am – 1pm, on 01 522 4300, should you want to talk some more. We also have an email address if you prefer that way of communicating [email protected].

Take care, we hope you find this information helpful,

Robyn