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Hi there, welcome to our Ask Robyn service and thank you for sending in your question. As we approach mock exams and exam season more generally, many families experience increased stress and tension. Teenagers and parents alike can feel the pressure at this time of year. It sounds like you believe strongly in your son and his abilities, but you are feeling frustrated that he may not be studying as much as you think he could. This can be very difficult, especially when repeated conversations about study seem to lead to arguments rather than progress.

Stress within the household

You mention feeling stressed, which is understandable when you want your child to do well but cannot control how much work he chooses to do. Stress can be contagious within a household. Even if someone starts off feeling calm, being around heightened stress can raise their own stress levels. While some stress can be motivating, particularly around exams, too much stress can make it harder to concentrate and cope. It may be helpful to consider whether the overall atmosphere at home has moved beyond a helpful level of stress. Reducing constant exam related conversations, where possible, may help to lower tension. Your son is likely already hearing a lot about exams at school and with friends, so additional pressure at home may feel overwhelming.

Creating space for conversation

It may help to find a calm moment to talk with your teenager about how he is really feeling. This might be easier away from the house, such as going for a walk or doing an activity you enjoy together. Choosing a time when neither of you is rushed can make it easier to have an open conversation. Asking how he feels about the upcoming exams and letting him know you want to support him can help him feel understood. He is spending much of his week in school doing academic work, and he may feel that not everything can be fully covered before the mocks, which can also add to pressure.

Understanding his goals and expectations

You note that you feel he can do very well, but it can be useful to explore what your teenager thinks and what he wants from his exams. Talking about his plans after the exams and what subjects are most important for his goals may help shift the focus from pressure to planning. Young people often face many expectations around school, which can add to stress. If certain subjects or results are required for a course or pathway, breaking these down into manageable steps may make them feel more achievable. Many young people find study timetables helpful. Writing a realistic plan that includes specific tasks, as well as time for breaks, exercise and rest, can support both learning and wellbeing.

Balancing study and wellbeing

Regular breaks, fresh air and time for hobbies are important during exam preparation. After a full day in school, it can be challenging for a young person to study for long hours in the evening. Encouraging good sleep, downtime and activities he enjoys can help him stay motivated and well. Looking after his overall wellbeing can support his ability to focus and study more effectively.

Further support

Here at the ISPCC, we offer digital mental health and wellbeing programmes for young people and parents who may be experiencing anxiety, which is common around exam time. You can find more information on these programmes at ispcc.ie/guided-digital-programmes/. We also offer a parenting support line if you would like to talk this through further. It is available on 01 522 4300, Monday to Friday from 9am to 1pm.

Thank you for getting in touch with us. We wish your son the very best of luck with his exams.

Take care,

Robyn