Thank you for reaching out

We are really glad you have shared your concern. Discovering that a young person is watching pornography, especially violent content, can feel deeply worrying and upsetting. It shows how much you care about your child that you are looking for guidance and support. You are not alone in this, and many parents face similar challenges as young people explore the online world in ways that can sometimes feel hidden or secretive.

Understanding what might be happening

At fourteen, many teenagers are naturally curious about their bodies, relationships, and sex. The internet makes it very easy to access sexual content, but unfortunately much of it is unrealistic or harmful. Violent pornography in particular can give very distorted messages about consent, respect, and intimacy. It is understandable that you feel concerned, especially if you have already put restrictions in place and your teenager has gone to lengths to bypass them.

Talking together

The most important step is to open up conversations in a calm, non-judgemental way. Young people may feel embarrassed or defensive, so starting gently helps. You can let your teenager know you are aware of what has happened, that you care about them, and that you want to talk about healthy, respectful relationships. Guidance on how to begin these conversations is available here: How to talk to your child about online pornography. Approaching the issue as a chance to support them rather than punish them will help build trust.

Supporting healthy understanding

It can also help to explain that pornography is often very different from real life. Talking about respect, boundaries, and consent is essential, as well as reassuring your teenager that questions about sex and relationships are normal. Encouraging them to come to you with concerns, rather than seeking answers online, will strengthen your connection. At the same time, you may still wish to continue monitoring devices while keeping discussions open, so that they understand your role is to guide and protect, not just to restrict.

Ongoing support for you and your teenager

If your teenager would like to talk to someone outside the family, they can contact our Childline service free at 1800 66 66 66 or by web-chat at Childline.ie. The service is non-judgemental, confidential, and anonymous. We do not use caller identification or device IP addresses. They are never alone. We are here to support them and explore their options in a safe place, open 24/7.

If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday to Friday 9:00am to 1:00pm on 01 5224300. You can also email [email protected].

Thank you for reaching out. We hope you find the above helpful. Take care,

Robyn