Thank you for reaching out

Thank you for contacting us at Ask the Team. By asking this question, you’re also helping other parents who may be facing a similar situation.

Just so you know, approximately 60,000 children in Ireland do not attend school on any given day. That’s about 6% of the school-going population. You are not alone with this worry.

Understanding school refusal

There are many reasons why children might refuse to go to school. Since it’s still early in the school year, early intervention is key to identifying and addressing the issue.

You mentioned that your son likes the new school, which tells us that he has recently moved to a new educational setting. This transition can be a daunting time for any child. There are new challenges in a new environment: worries about getting lost, getting in trouble, making friends, or managing new subjects. Even if he says he likes the school, some of his experiences could be overwhelming.

Creating a positive routine

It can be helpful to establish a consistent and calming routine. This might include setting regular bedtimes and a predictable bedtime routine—such as brushing teeth, having a bath, reading a story, or enjoying quiet time without screens.

In the morning, try to create a calm and structured routine that includes a healthy breakfast. Keeping him distracted on the way to school, for example, by playing I-Spy or reading a book in the car, can also help reduce anxiety.

When you arrive at school, greet the teachers warmly and say goodbye positively. If your son becomes upset, comfort him and reassure him that everything will be alright. It’s important not to shout or become harsh, even if the situation is stressful. Remaining calm and positive will help your child feel safe.

Working with the school

Talk to the school about what’s happening. Teachers are usually familiar with school refusal and can offer support and guidance. Working together with the school is one of the best ways to support your son as he adjusts. Encourage him to talk to his teacher, just as he sees you doing.

Helpful questions to ask yourself

The following questions are taken from the Wexford CYPSC Emotionally Based School Avoidance resource pack, which you can access here:EBSA-Resource-Pack-Wexford-2023.pdf

1. Have I set aside time to sit down and talk about this issue with my child?
2. Have I acknowledged their fears and concerns?
3. Have I let them know that I understand? Have I checked what the issues might be? (Try not to jump to conclusions or ask leading questions.)
4. Have I explained that difficulties happen in life and how we cope with them?
5. Have I developed a plan with my child?
6. Have I anticipated that this plan might be met with resistance? Be prepared, be reassuring, and praise your child’s efforts.
7. What reasons might there be for my child not wanting to go to school or preferring to stay home?

Some problems in implementing the plan are to be expected, especially after weekends or school holidays. If your son misses school, try not to be disheartened—return to the plan and keep going.

Making home less appealing during school hours

It can help to make sure that time at home during school hours is not enjoyable. This means no screen time, no TV or phones, and no fun activities like shopping or outings.

You can access further resources on school avoidance and support here:

• Not Going to School – Túsla, Child and Family Agency
• School Avoidance – Parentline
• What to do if school doesn’t feel safe – Childline
• 5 ways to cope with going back to school after the holidays – Childline

We’re here to help

If you would like to talk this through further, you can contact us on our Support Line at 01 522 4300, available Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm. Or by emailing [email protected]

Take care, and we look forward to hearing from you,

Robyn