Welcome

Hi, thank you for reaching out. We can hear from your question how much you care about your daughter and how much you and your husband want to help her. As parents or carers, it can be very difficult when your young person becomes closed off or, as you put it, “cold”. It can feel worrying and upsetting when they stop opening up to you.

Understanding bedwetting

Bedwetting at 12 can feel frustrating and embarrassing for a young person. Finding the reason behind sudden bedwetting can sometimes be difficult. There are many possible causes, including stress, anxiety, changes in routine, hormonal development, urinary tract infections, constipation, or other medical issues.

If you are concerned that it could be medical, it would be important to speak with your GP. In Ireland, your family doctor can assess for underlying causes and advise on appropriate treatment or supports.

Reducing shame and opening communication

Having calm, open conversations with your daughter and working to remove any shame or embarrassment around bedwetting may help. Young people often struggle with the lack of control involved, and calling herself “lazy” may suggest she is feeling blame or shame. Gently reassuring her that bedwetting is not her fault can make a difference.

Try to choose relaxed moments to talk, rather than immediately after an incident. Let her know you are there to listen whenever she feels ready, without pressure.

Considering the sleepover connection

If you believe there may be a link between the sleepovers at her grandparents’ house and the bedwetting, it may be helpful to keep a record of when it happens. Patterns can provide useful information for you and for your GP.

If you have a good relationship with her grandparents, a gentle conversation may also be appropriate. The aim would be to gather information rather than to make assumptions.

Additional support

We offer an online digital programme called “Supporting an Anxious Child”. The programme assists parents in finding ways to talk to their children about worries or anxieties and to build coping skills. This may be helpful if you are finding it difficult to support your daughter in opening up. You can find more information about this programme on our website.

We also offer a parent Support Line from 9 am to 1 pm, Monday to Friday, if you would like to speak with someone. The phone number is 01 522 4300.

We hope this information is helpful as you move forward.

Look after yourself,

Robyn