You’re not alone

Hi there,

First of all, we want to reassure you that you are certainly not alone. It’s common for teenagers to become less communicative with their parents. At this stage of development, they are navigating their own sense of identity and working towards becoming more independent. Many of us at Ask Robyn have seen our own children chat openly with other trusted adults while barely uttering a word to us, the parents!

Understanding what’s going on

As painful as this can be, it’s a normal part of adolescent development. The parental role shifts from being their whole world to someone who provides money, transport, and a roof over their head. That shift can feel like a loss, but understanding what your teen is going through — and knowing this stage won’t last forever — can really help. Despite seeming like they no longer need us, teenagers still rely on us to be there for them.

Why they might not talk

Teens often avoid sharing what’s going on for them due to fear of being judged. They may be grappling with complex emotions they don’t fully understand or know how to express. This is a time of emotional growth, and they may need space to figure things out.

Keeping the connection

Try acknowledging this with your teen — let them know you understand they might be struggling and that you’re available whenever they’re ready. Keeping the lines of communication open is key. Avoid pushing for conversations, which can increase friction and cause them to pull away even more. Instead, create a safe, non-judgemental environment where they feel free to open up in their own time. Spend quality time doing things they enjoy, and focus on connection through shared activities. Listen without judgement, and validate their feelings when they do speak.

The role of boundaries

Even though your teen may act like they don’t want or need rules, clear boundaries are still important. It’s natural for them to push against limits as they assert their independence. Boundaries show that we care and want to keep them safe. We can respect their growing independence while still expecting respect in return, maintaining a healthy balance in the relationship.

Be patient and supportive

Patience is essential. Lecturing or guilt-tripping them about their behaviour is unlikely to help. Try to remember what this phase of life felt like for you. Adolescence brings major emotional and physical changes, and these take time to process. As parents, it becomes our job to gently bridge the gap as they separate from us and develop into confident, independent individuals — all within a safe, loving environment.

When to seek extra help

However, if the level of withdrawal is very significant, it may be a sign of a mental health issue such as anxiety or depression. If you’re concerned, speaking with your GP could be a good first step. They can help you access professional support, perhaps with someone your teen might feel more comfortable talking to.

Useful resources

Here are some links that might help:

• How to handle teen conflict in family relationships
• Why you need to be more understanding during your child’s teenage years
• What is active listening and how do I do it?
• Setting boundaries with young people
• Talking to your teenager about a problem

We’re here to support you

You are welcome to contact us on our Support Line if you would like to talk this through further with one of our team: 01 522 4300, Monday to Friday, 9:00am – 1:00pm.

You can also share the Childline number with your teen so they have someone else to talk to if they need it. Childline is available 24/7 for children and young people:

• childline.ie – click on the purple chat box
• Freephone: 1800 66 66 66

Take care,

Robyn