Hello and welcome

Thank you for contacting us today. It’s completely natural to feel concerned about your child’s friendships, especially when you notice behaviours that worry you. As a parent, wanting to protect your child comes from a place of love and care. However, navigating friendship boundaries requires a thoughtful approach that considers your child’s development, autonomy, and wellbeing.

Understanding Your Concerns
First, it’s important to reflect on what specifically concerns you about certain friendships. Are you worried about risky behaviours, negative influences, or situations that could harm your child? Sometimes our concerns stem from genuine safety issues, while other times they might reflect our own anxieties or different values. Taking time to identify the root of your concerns will help you respond more effectively.

The Impact of Limiting Friendships
While your instinct to protect is understandable, completely limiting friendships can have unintended consequences. Children learn valuable social skills through their relationships with peers, including how to navigate different personalities, resolve conflicts, and develop independence. When we restrict friendships too heavily, we might inadvertently limit these important learning opportunities.
Children also need to feel trusted and respected in their relationships. Overly controlling friendship boundaries can sometimes push children to become secretive or rebellious, potentially creating the very problems we’re trying to prevent.

A Balanced Approach
Instead of outright limitations, consider these alternatives:
Open Communication: Talk with your child about your concerns in an age-appropriate way. Ask open-ended questions about their friendships and really listen to their responses. This helps you understand the dynamics while showing your child that their perspective matters.

Gradual Supervision 

Rather than forbidding certain friendships, you might invite friends to your home where you can observe interactions, or suggest group activities where there’s natural supervision.
Teaching Critical Thinking: Help your child develop the skills to make good decisions about friendships themselves. Discuss scenarios and ask questions like “How do you feel when you’re with this friend?” or “What would you do if someone asked you to do something you weren’t comfortable with?”

Setting Clear Boundaries

Instead of limiting friendships entirely, establish clear rules about activities, curfews, and expectations. This provides structure while still allowing social connections.

When Restrictions Might Be Necessary
There are times when more direct intervention is appropriate, particularly when:
● There’s evidence of bullying or manipulation
● Friends are engaging in genuinely dangerous or illegal activities
● Your child’s mental health or wellbeing is being significantly impacted
● Peer pressure is leading to harmful behaviours
Even in these situations, explanation and collaboration with your child will be more effective than blanket restrictions.

Supporting Your Child’s Social Development
Remember that learning to choose good friends and navigate social challenges is a crucial life skill. While it can be difficult to watch our children face these challenges, providing guidance rather than control often leads to better long-term outcomes.
Consider involving your child in the decision-making process. Explain your concerns and work together to find solutions that address safety while respecting their growing need for independence.

Moving Forward
The goal isn’t to eliminate all potential negative influences from your child’s life, but rather to help them develop the resilience and judgment to handle these situations themselves. Trust that the values and skills you’ve taught them will guide their choices, even when you’re not there to supervise.
If you’re struggling with these decisions or if your child’s friendships are causing significant distress, don’t hesitate to seek support from school counsellors, family support services, or speak with other parents you trust.

If you would like to talk some more with us, you can contact our Support Line service at 01 522 4300, Monday to Friday, 9:00am – 1:00pm. email us at [email protected].

You can also share the Childline number with your teen so they have someone else to talk to if they need it. Childline is available 24/7 for children and young people:

• childline.ie – click on the Live Chat Online chat box
• Freephone: 1800 66 66 66

Take care,

Robyn