Your Question
Hello, I feel really confused about something. Me and my husband are really strict with our daughters but we also don’t want to be. My oldest daughter who just turned 16 asked if she can have a sleepover at her boyfriend’s house. We said that we will think about it but I feel scared and I just want to protect her from something bad, but I want her to also have fun because she is a baby. is a boy who has a vagina. I am really at a loss so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Answer
Hi there, and welcome to Ask Robyn.
Thank you for reaching out with your question. You’re feeling conflicted about your daughter asking to have a sleepover at her boyfriend’s house, and it’s understandable that you’re unsure how to handle it. On one hand, you want to protect her, and on the other, you want her to feel trusted and have fun.
It’s a good idea to talk openly with your daughter about how she feels and what she wants. Does she truly feel comfortable with the situation, or is she looking for you to help guide her decision? Also, consider talking with her boyfriend’s parents to better understand the situation and see how they handle things.
This decision is also shaped by your family’s values and what you feel is right. It’s perfectly reasonable if you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of a sleepover at this stage, especially given her age. At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge that your daughter is becoming more independent, and she might make choices on her own.
This is also a great opportunity to discuss important topics like consent, safe sex, contraception, and what the law says about these matters. Open communication can help her make informed decisions and ensure she understands her rights and responsibilities. Here are some articles that might be of help:
- how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-sex/
- 3-ways-to-ensure-your-child-is-comfortable-talking-to-you-about-sex/
- www.nationwidechildrens.org/tips-for-talking-to-your-teen
- www.tusla.ie/parenting-24-seven/12-years/child-safety-practices-reduce-injury/start-a-conversation-about-sexual-health/
In the end, there’s no single right or wrong answer. What matters most is balancing your family’s values with realistic expectations and keeping the lines of communication open with your daughter.
If you have any more questions related to this or anything else, we want to reassure you that we are always here if you need to talk. The ISPCC’s Support Line can be contacted by email to [email protected] or by phone from Monday to Friday 9am – 1pm on 01 522 4300.
Take care, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need any more guidance.
Robyn
Ask us a question
You can ask us about anything you want, there’s nothing too big or small.