Your Question
Hi, I am a parent and I am asking about my son (10) – who has a really difficult time controlling his anger and often flips over nothing and starts throwing items around and stomping away in anger and it is really affecting all members of the household. We really do not know what to do here.
Answer
Hi there,
Thanks for getting in touch with Ask Robyn with what has
been going on for you and your son.
It is common for children to have a difficult time
understanding and managing their emotions, in particular anger. It may help to
notice what particular things make him angry. For example, is it being told no,
changes in routines or when coming home after school? There are so many
different reasons our children can feel angry and we often struggle to pinpoint
where the emotion is stemming from.
It is important to model talking about feelings, happy sad,
angry etc. For example “I felt angry today because I couldn’t find my car
keys.” Another way to support your child in responding to their emotions is
through helping them understand what they are feeling by asking questions or
statements that validate their feelings “I can see you’re angry right now, what
can I do to help you with this feeling?” These conversations and feelings may not be greeted with the most welcoming responses initially but
know that it is a key step for your child in helping them develop strategies to
understand their emotions.
Sometimes what we think looks like the emotion of “angry”
may be another feeling just presented in a different way. Your child may be
feeling anxious or sad and also need more help in managing these feelings.
Another thing that can really help in understanding your
child’s response, may be watching this video of “flipping the lid” or “the hand
model of the brain.” This highlights how when children and young people are
stressed the part of their brain that is needed to help make decisions is not
connected to the part for acting and regulating. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx7PCzg0CGE
This video can help with having conversations with your son
about understanding their responses to anger and model the language of
“flipping the lid”
As we don’t have much information about what situations this occurs in, it may help
to talk more about this, you can contact our Parent Support Line which can be
contacted by email to [email protected] or by phone from Monday to
Friday 9am – 1pm on 01
522 4300.
Take care,
Robyn
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