Your Question
My wife and i have 2 children girl aged 17 boy 15 love them both but recently my wife confessed that my 15year old son is not mine but her colleagues im finding it hard to deal with it dont know what to do im distancing myself from him what if he wants to know his dad
Answer
Hello there,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing such a deeply personal and challenging experience. It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and conflicted right now. Discovering that your son is not biologically yours is a profound shock, and the range of emotions you’re experiencing—from anger and betrayal to sadness and confusion—is entirely natural.
It’s important to give yourself the time and space to process this information. These feelings don’t need to be rushed, and it’s okay to not have all the answers immediately. During this time, seeking support from a counsellor or therapist could be incredibly helpful. They can offer a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your emotions and assist you in navigating this complex situation. If you and your wife are struggling to communicate or understand each other’s perspectives, couples counselling might also be beneficial.
As you consider your next steps, it’s crucial to remember your son’s perspective. For the past 15 years, you’ve been his father in every sense of the word. He likely sees you as his primary paternal figure, regardless of biological ties. Distancing yourself from him, while understandable given your pain, might cause confusion and hurt. It’s important to weigh how this situation and your response might impact him emotionally, now and in the future.
Your relationship with your son has been built on years of love, care, and shared experiences. While DNA plays a role in defining biological relationships, it doesn’t solely determine the strength or significance of a father-child bond. Reflecting on the role you’ve played in his life so far may help you decide how you want to move forward. If he eventually asks about his biological father, approaching that conversation with sensitivity and perhaps the guidance of a professional could help minimise potential harm.
Finally, as you contemplate the future, focus on what’s best for your son’s long-term well-being. He didn’t choose to be part of this situation, and his sense of identity and security could be deeply influenced by how this unfolds. Take the time you need to work through your emotions and seek the support you need to make decisions that are in the best interest of everyone involved.
If you would like to talk some more about this, our Support Line is open Monday-Friday, 9:00 am – 1:00 pm, at 01 522 4300. You can also email us at [email protected] .
Take care, and know that seeking support is a sign of strength during such a difficult time. Wishing you and your family the best,
Robyn
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