Your Question
My son frequently does not want to leave our home. We are currently waiting to hear back from his autism assessment. He does two afterschool activites which he sometimes refuses to go to. Sometimes he will play outside with friends but there are days that he refuses which is very worrying. He wants to play on his tablet and watch youtube all day which, I don’t allow him to do but it nearly feels like I’m punishing him. I find myself hugely stressed and anxious every day, pleading with him to go out and play or go somewhere fun as a family and he just isn’t interested. Am I doing him more harm being so pushy. He is constantly asking me am I ok and saying sorry for not wanting to go out
Answer
Hi there,
Welcome to Ask Robyn. Thank you so much for getting in touch.
It sounds like you are trying to navigate a really challenging situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling stressed and anxious.
As you mentioned, you are currently awaiting the outcome of an autism assessment, and this may be contributing to how your son experiences the world. Anxiety is a very common aspect of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and his reluctance to play outside or attend activities may be linked to social anxiety. Sensory sensitivities can also play a role—things like loud noises, bright lights, or busy environments can feel overwhelming and unpredictable, which might be contributing to his reluctance to leave the house.
It may help to make a plan for situations where he becomes overwhelmed—perhaps bringing fidget toys or other sensory tools he enjoys. By understanding the sensory elements he finds difficult, you can work together to find alternatives that feel more comfortable for him. For example, visiting a park during quieter times of the day might feel more manageable.
You’re not alone in feeling like you’re constantly pleading—it’s a tough situation when you want what’s best for your child, and it’s met with resistance. I hear that on one hand, you want to encourage him to explore different activities and environments, but when he refuses, it’s important to acknowledge and validate his feelings. Pushing too hard may increase his anxiety.
Exploring the reasons behind his refusal can help—understanding what triggers his overwhelm or avoidance can allow you to address it more effectively in the future. Even on days when he doesn’t want to go out, focusing on connection and trust can make a big difference. This might be as simple as watching a YouTube video together or playing a game he enjoys—within clear and consistent limits. It sounds like he finds comfort in screens, and while boundaries are important, these can be framed as house-wide expectations, not just for him. Encouraging other calming or creative indoor activities can also be helpful.
Most importantly, remember that you are doing your best. Try to be patient with yourself as you support him through this time. Once the assessment is complete, you’ll likely receive more specific guidance and supports. You might also consider joining local support groups or online forums for parents of autistic children—connecting with others who are facing similar challenges can be incredibly helpful.
Make sure to take care of your own wellbeing too—lean on your support systems and give yourself credit for the love and care you’re clearly showing.
AsIAm offers a great range of supports and webinars for parents, which you may find helpful: asiam.ie/parents
Thanks again for reaching out. If you would like to discuss this further, the ISPCC’s Support Line is available by email at [email protected], or by phone between 9am and 1pm, Monday to Friday, at 01 522 4300.
Take care, best wishes,
Robyn
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