Your Question
Hi my son 4+ 1/2 years old has always imitated people. I dont suspect he will be diagnosed with anything , he is generally an easy child, social, makes friends, plays typically etc but he is big on imitation. A boy he plays with and idolises is a neighbour of ours and is lovely, hes 7 and he is being assessed for autism. He kind of talks with an american accent, he says alot of words in that american twang like videos hes watching on youtube and he rolls his eyes when being spoken to or speaking, he slaps his head and faints as if what you said is so overwhelming. Anyway with other kids hes quirky but then when my 4y old comes in it comes across cheeky in the home like go get your shoes + hes like fainting , rolling eyes etc or his great speech now has american twang BUT I want them to play and I dont want to spend all the time correcting my son. I want to say play with him dont become him but hes only 4. They honestly might only play for one day every 2weeks but my son will seem like hes with him every single day he doesnt forget the attitude and summers on the way.
Answer
Hi there and welcome to Ask Robyn.
You’ve told us about your 4-year-old son, who is big into imitating people, but it worries you that he is imitating your neighbour who is being assessed for autism, and might be using some of the behaviours the other boy uses to cope when he is overwhelmed.
Children as young as yours learn by imitation and make sense of the world around them. They learn different skills; they learn how to interact with others, what’s allowed, what’s hurtful, etc. At times, they might imitate behaviours that are not helpful—behaviours that could offend others or get them in trouble. In those moments, they need support from an adult to understand what that behaviour means, what effects it can have on others, consequences, and so on.
For a 4-year-old, too many words to explain could be overwhelming, but they could learn easily when supported with illustrated stories regarding the matter. A tool that is commonly used to understand other people’s perspectives is the social story: a short, descriptive story that provides information about social situations, helping individuals understand and respond appropriately to various social cues and scenarios. Social stories are often used as a tool to support children, particularly those with autism spectrum disorders, in navigating social interactions. The concept of the social story was developed by Carol Gray, an educator and consultant, in the 1990s.
Through a social story, we could explain to your son—through simple drawings—that his friend’s behaviour is because he is overwhelmed, what it means to feel overwhelmed, and that he is having difficulty coping. On the other hand, he could learn that there are other ways to cope, instead of the ones his friend is using, that could help others to understand what is going on for him and support him better. He can learn that some behaviours that are seen as rude might be the only way for a while that a child on the spectrum has to cope, and that this child could do with some compassion, understanding, and peer support until he finds his own way to cope—and that your son could be a great help in that journey.
Here you can find some examples of social stories by Carol Gray: carolgraysocialstories.com/
We hope this helps! Please feel free to contact us again if you need further support.
Wishing you all the best,
Robyn
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