Your Question
Me and my husband have come to the very hard decision to get a divorce… we’re only in the early stages of the process but how and when do we tell our children? They are 4 and 7 years old. Thanks.
Answer
Hi,
Thank you so much for getting in touch with Ask Robyn about what is going on for you. We know that going through a separation or divorce can be hard on you, your partner and the family so it is good that you are seeking out for support.
It is important to keep your child’s well being in mind with how you approach the conversation. We would recommend that both parents sit down to tell the children together and it may help to have something planned on what you are going to say before, for example: ‘Mammy and Daddy no longer want to live in the same house. You may have noticed we fight more than we should and we don’t think this is the best way for our family to be. We have decided that we are going to have two homes and live separately where you will live with us.’
This likely wont be a once of conversation and it is important to let your children know they can ask you questions and to validate their feelings. We know this can be hard because there are likely to be a lot of feelings coming up for you too. This also makes it important tfor you to have your own support such as a friend, sibling or parent to talk to.
It may also help to let the school know as children may be upset in school and it helps for teachers to know that that there is something going on at home.
We have some articles on our website that you may find helpful:
We hope you have found this helpful, if you would like to talk more about this, you can contact ISPCC’s Support Line which can be contacted by email to [email protected] or by phone from Monday to Friday 9am – 1pm on 01 522 4300
Take care,
Robyn
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